Holy Tears

Authors Notes:

Little things first...
.// words here // denotes mental communications
**words here** denotes lyrics

First things first - this is a Shishi (meaning Shigeru x Satoshi) story with extreme yaoi implications. It is does have inferences to sexual activity - if this sort of thing is not your bag, then move on down the road.

That out of the way... I intended to write a small follow up fic - isn't that how so many of these projects begin... Holy Tears really speaks for itself. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I think the nicest thing anyone has said is that it made them ill... :-)

However!!! If you haven't read Stages, I urge you to do so...

Acknowledgements to...

Disclaimers

WARNING - evil Takeshi haunts - if you didn't like him in Stages, I don't suggest reading Holy Tears.

Rated NC 17 for the evil done to Satoshi in Stages and a few minor lemony sections...

**Trapped inside a twisted world
I can’t decide what is even real anymore**

It’s a blur…

The past few hours are just a blur…

I can remember helping the police get Satoshi down to the ambulance, and I remember the ambulance technicians having to fight to sedate him to get him in there. They let me ride with him mainly because he was hysterical. Given the circumstances, I think he was allowed to be…

I don’t remember the ride to the hospital… I remember that I had a grip on Satoshi’s hand, and that when they pulled him from the ambulance and into the ER that they had to pry my fingers away from his.

They said he was stabilised, they said he was okay. And then the nightmares started…

It took three nurses and two orderlies and myself to hold him down long enough to tranquillise him and that’s when things got bad. I don’t know what’s going on. Suddenly, there was blood everywhere and a nurse called for the doctor STAT. I got shoved out of the room shortly after that and then they wheeled him away.

A few minutes later, one of the nurses came back, her uniform stained and her hair dishevelled and led me to a place where I could wait. I’ve been doing that for hours; I can see out the window from here. The moonless night seems to be mocking me as they try to save his life - again. The life I don’t know if he’s even going to want to live anymore…

"Ookido Shigeru?"

"Hai?" It’s an accountant… oh damn. Didn’t they take care of everything before when I filled out all those forms? What the hell is an accountant doing here this close to dawn?

"We seem to be having a bit of trouble here, you see, your friend doesn’t have a surname much less insurance and – "

"I’ll pay for it," I say, staring at her coldly.

"But you see, medical – "

"I’ll pay for it."

"I understand but medical costs – "

"I’ll pay for it. You must have run a credit report on me or you wouldn’t be bothering me. You know my financial situation; I’ll pay for it. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it." I’m fighting back tears. I haven’t broken down yet. I will; I know it’s only a matter of time, but…

She leaves then. I prop my elbows on my knees and push my hands in my hair. I wish I had someone here who understood… I mean, I’m in pyjamas and a robe and they’re bothering me about insurance and…

I feel the oddest little tingle down my back. "Shigeru-san."

I look up to see Natsume; but somehow I already knew she was there. I go to ask her what’s going on and she replies before I even finish thinking the question, much less ask it. How unnerving.

"You are mildly telepathic, Shigeru-san. Otherwise your Fudin [Alakazam] never would have beat my Kesie [Abra.] You have been all your life and you never realised it. I caught a glimpse of it when we battled, and then my suspicions were confirmed when we met again yesterday."

I must be gaping because she smiles and says, "Think back over your life, Shigeru-san. You have always had the ability to talk people into doing as you want, you are sympathetic - empathic. How else did I know to come? I felt your anguish."

I open my mouth to ask a question and she says, "Kasu-chan is at your apartment, dealing with the police still as best she can. She thought you might need someone here." She pauses. "I brought a change of clothing. I’ll wait; you go get cleaned up and dressed." Natsume hands me a backpack I don’t remember owning and I get the impression she won’t answer any of my other questions until I’ve done what she’s said.

I shuffle down the hall to the bathroom, lock the door, prop my hands on the sink and stare at my reflection in the cheap mirror – not liking what I see there. Because I don’t look any different, well, my black eye is developing nicely, and I’m sure I have a lump on the back of my head where Takeshi knocked me out for the second time. I tentatively reach back and find a nice pot knot, but no signs of bleeding. I sigh heavily as I splash water on my face, gently avoiding the bruised area around my eye. I have telepathic powers… Why do I feel this should change my outward appearance?

My talent as an actor is suddenly explained in a frightening new way. No wonder I reach everyone so well… it was beyond emoting, that’s for sure. I sigh. If anything, to me, the fact that I’m in love should change me more than this… I guess that’s why it’s such a disappointment I look like the same Ookido Shigeru that’s stared back at me for twenty-one years…

Well… with a black eye…

This feels so damn surreal. I pull off my robe and… oh god… It never dawned on me that my clothes would have Satoshi’s blood on them from the first time or from now. I fall to my knees and manage to lift the lid on the commode just in time…

There’s a knock on the door; I know that it’s Natsume. "Shigeru-san?"

I try to make words come from my raw throat but they won’t. Well, damn, I’m telepathic right? //I’m fine,// I think as loudly as I can.

.//You don’t have to shout… Satoshi-san’s out of surgery.//

She doesn’t have to say anymore, I stand up quickly, clean up, rinse out my mouth and change into the clothes she brought me. She’s standing there with a half smile on her face as I open the door. "What?" I demand.

"You never did ask what happened to your car," she says as she leads me to the recovery room.

"What did happen to my car?" Hey, verbal cues I can take. Besides, I’m not up to having my life redefined for me right now.

"The passenger side door is now dented," she tells me. I get the feeling I’m going to have to force the story out of her word by word and that she’s doing it on purpose.

"And how did that occur?"

"When Takeshi fell against it."

Hrm.. I’m getting a picture here… "Okay, so he punched me out and then what happened?"

Is that actually a blush on her cheeks? It is!

"He called me something unflattering, accused me of helping Satoshi-san ‘escape’ and then tried to attack me. Apparently he forgot that I turned him into a doll once. He bounced off my mental shield and fell into your car door where he hit his head and passed out. It’s not dented badly, but you may have to take it to a shop. I tried to pull it out with my telekinesis, but I really didn’t have time to play with it."

"I think that’s the most I’ve ever heard you say all at once," I tell her, and then we’re standing outside the recovery room.

"Patient?" A bored looking man dressed in blue scrubs sitting behind a desk asks me.

"Satoshi," I reply.

"Relationship?"

This takes me aback; I don’t expect him to ask that. The first thing my brain blurts out is, "Yes."

Natsume giggles and I realise my error, so much for keeping our relationship quiet. "I’m his…" Lover? Boyfriend? Best friend? I don’t know what to say. "He is Satoshi-san’s life partner," Natsume fills in helpfully, but her tone gives no room for argument. Life partner… I like that one.

"I… can I see him?"

The man wavers for a bit and looks like he’s not going to let me in. Suddenly the sensation of biting down on a strong mint floods my mind. I glance over at Natsume and her eyes are glowing blue. She’s using her powers on him and I could tell before I saw her eyes… I have to wonder what those blows on the head really did to me…

Natsume has to wait outside while I’m ushered into a large room divided off into smaller areas by sterile looking green curtains. "Number two."

He didn’t have to tell me, I knew where he was. I don’t know how, but I did… I’m going to have to have a long talk with Natsume about this stuff.

I knew he’d look bad… that… "Satoshi?"

"He’s in a coma," the attendant says quietly. "He can hear you, but…"

Coma…

The attendant leaves me alone to allow silent tears to fall down my cheeks as I stand at Satoshi’s bedside, my head bowed…

Coma…

Damn you, Takeshi… you took him away from me…

** Floating face down in a river of regrets
And the thoughts of you**

I can’t begin to imagine it from his perspective. Left alone in the dark, where he should have been safe… and he wasn’t. I think we’ve all had experiences in the bedroom better left forgotten – the lover that was too enthusiastic, the one that liked to inflict pain, the one that was far too possessive and scared you, the one that always was interested when you weren’t… and the ones that were all of the above…

I’ve only been raped once… which is once enough, in my humble opinion, but it’s the legal definition that made it rape, not the actual act. My poor darling Satoshi… he loves with every ounce of that essence that makes him Satoshi. And he’s suffered for that.

I reach out to his face and push the damp dark strands away from his closed eyes. There’s a four-inch long gash near the edge of his cheek, just before the hairline that travels from his temple to his jaw line. I don’t remember seeing it before; how could I have missed it? It’s all sewed up now with neat little stitches, but it will scar… was Takeshi trying to mark him? I don’t know… I’m morbidly curious and scared for him. I don’t know what Takeshi did; I don’t know how long I was unconscious in the bathroom.

I trace my fingertips over his lips and whisper his name before taking his hand in my own. Please come back to me, Satoshi…

I hear the curtains part behind me and I glance over my shoulder to see Satoshi’s attending physician. I’m fortunate enough to know this man; he’s a theatre aficionado and came backstage to congratulate me on my performance as Aldonza/Dulcinea. I think he got freaked when he realised that a man played the female lead but his admiration for my acting overrode any discomfort. I’m just glad he saw me out of costume before he asked me out. I know him well enough to know that Satoshi’s in the best hands possible.

"Dr. Ritchel," I greet softly.

"Ookido Shigeru." He sighs. "Call me Alan-Michael."

"Only if you call me Shigeru."

He smiles slightly. "When I saw your name on his chart I knew I had to take this patient. I won’t bull shit you, Shigeru; he’s in bad shape, worse than was originally surmised. I still don’t know how he got there, though."

I know he’s waiting for me to fill in the information. I close my eyes and prepare for the worst. "He was raped and assaulted by a jealous ex… boyfriend," I whisper. It’s the first time I’ve acknowledged this aloud and strangely I feel detached… as if it happened beyond what I can feel right now.

"That explains the majority of the internal injuries."

"Is he going to make it?"

"That’s up to him now. We’ve sewn up the knife wounds, done what we can to make him comfortable. He’s retreated now to somewhere in his mind where he’s not hurting." Alan-Michael’s voice is clinical, as if he’s not discussing the love of my life.

"Knife wounds?" I echo. "I wasn’t aware…"

"Shigeru, he sustained several superficial lacerations on his face and thighs, a few deep gashes near the groin, barely missing the femoral artery. We sewed up ninety-five percent of those when he first came in, but…" He falters and I know it’s bad, oh god…

"What did he do to him?" I demand. I’m shaking; I don’t want to hear it but I have to.

"There’s evidence that he was sodomised with the knife handle before he was raped, judging by the injuries. Most of the bleeding this time was caused by wounds to the internal tissue of the rectum."

I hate the way doctors speak because I know what that translates into for Satoshi. Pain, fear, humiliation, agony and near death.

Alan-Michael continues, "He’s on a great deal of painkillers, antibiotics and other drugs. We had to give him two pints of blood after the seizure."

"Is that why he’s in the coma?" I ask, my voice cracking.

"Partially. He’s young, Shigeru. He’ll heal and he’ll recover. Particularly if he’s got someone like you in his life; how long have you been dating?" he asks with a half-smile.

He’s doing his doctorly best to distract me from the horror of what he just confided. I’m desperate enough to accept it. "Two days… but we’ve known each other since we were kids… He’s going to be the Pokémon Master one day."

"He’s *that* Satoshi?"

I nod.

"The one that helped out at the hospital when…"

"Hai, that’s him, heart too big for his body. That’s my Satoshi…"

"He’s going to be okay, Shigeru. Just have faith." He checks some of the readings on the machines Satoshi’s hooked up to and smiles at me once more before he leaves.

I’m still standing at his side, his hand in mine when they come to take him to a regular room.

Days pass…

More blurring…

It’s not worth remembering without Satoshi to share it with.

When did my world decide to self-destruct on me? Something so innocent… Someone so innocent…

Oh God, Satoshi I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so damn sorry…

I should have protected you, should have stayed put, the police were on their way, it shouldn’t have been you… I’ve replayed it my mind over and over so many times trying to figure out how I could have prevented it… In my fragmented nightmares I watch myself leave your side and I scream for it to stop like some bad horror movie.

In my heart, I know, Takeshi might have thought of killing me – perhaps even planned to do it if the blow to the head didn’t do it for him. But he broke into my apartment that night for one reason and one reason only; he was intent on taking Satoshi one last time. If… if I hadn’t stopped him when I did, he would have let Satoshi bleed to death…

"Shigeru-san, go home and get some sleep."

I look up to see a tired, sad Kasumi looking down at me. Her sea blue eyes are full of pity and fear. She knows what I’m going to say… I can’t go home, can’t go to the apartment where the workmen replaced the window five days ago, where the sanitation service got rid of the blood stained mattress and cleaned up all traces of what happened. I hate them for the very sterile way they handled it all… as if that sort of thing was routine… I hate that all it took was some cleaning solution, a new mattress and bedding and a pane of double glass to make it all look whole again.

If only Satoshi could be fixed so easily… He hasn’t regained consciousness once in the past five days. I bow my head against our clasped hands and damn the tears as they leak out of my eyes. "I can’t, Kasumi-san…" I haven’t been back there since Office Junsa and her men helped me force Satoshi into the ambulance. I may never be able to go back. The sanctity of my refuge has been shattered, forever tainted with Satoshi’s innocent blood.

"I know," she whispers, sitting in the chair next to me. She puts her arm across my back and leans my head against her. She lets me rest on her slim shoulder, and I envy her for her strength. I sense that tingle of mint and feel her look up and I hear Natsume echo her words. "I know…"

That’s why she’s strong… My very soul lies battered and broken with Satoshi in that bed… Natsume would never let anything like that happen to her… she’s too powerful… She can protect herself and Kasumi and yes, there’s a part of me that hates them for that strength.

Because I couldn’t stop it… I’ve never been a God fearing man, my choice of lifestyle and most organised religions don’t see eye to eye. But right now… I’ll believe in anything if it brings Satoshi back to me whole and healthy and sane… He doesn’t even have to forgive me for failing him…

I’ve been living at the hospital for the past week. I wouldn’t leave; I still won’t if I have any say in it. Kasumi keeps bringing things for me; I’ve literally lived here in Satoshi’s room. She even brought that apricot shampoo I thought I hated but now I love because if I pretend hard enough I can smell the faint odour of it on Satoshi’s hair… and I keep hoping, that maybe, just maybe, he can smell it on me…

"You should at least eat something," Kasumi says.

I look up as Natsume offers me a cup of coffee, which I promptly accept and set on the nightstand by the bed. They both frowns at me, but I’m too tired to be intimidated by them today.

I think I would have wasted away if it weren’t for them. I barely know them, Kasumi only a fraction better than Natsume and now my world revolves around them and Satoshi and this god damned hospital. I asked once, why… Natsume just smiled at me and let me cry on her shoulder. I don’t deserve friends like this; I don’t deserve a life partner like Satoshi…

"Not hungry," I whisper, my voice broken and hoarse.

"Do you want to end up in a bed like his? Is that how you want to be?" Kasumi snaps angrily. "Do you want them to tube feed you, because I’ll arrange it Ookido Shigeru. Dammit, I won’t lose both of you. So make your choice. Eat now or I’ll go call the nurse."

"I’ll eat," I whisper, defeated. I’ve learned one thing, don’t mess with Kasumi because she’ll bitch you out faster than you can think. And most of the time, she’s dead on right. She’s the most loyal person I’ve ever had the chance to meet with the possibly exception of Satoshi.

She pushes a sandwich in my hand and I begin to eat it automatically. "How’s Pikachu?" I ask after I swallow without tasting it.

"Better. Nurse Joi says it will be a few more days before we can bring her by to see Satoshi-san. She doesn’t understand what’s going on well, but she was pretty hurt too," Natsume tells me.

I sigh and miss those brief days I had Satoshi laughing and loving and in my arms… Now I don’t think I can ever go back to that place, not even to get my guitar…

Kasumi’s stronger than I gave her credit for, being able to walk into that apartment… I guess I envy her, and I’m grateful. She organised the cleaning crew, the repairmen, dealt with my dumb ass landlord… everything. She’s taking care of Pikachu for him – found her all battered, cowering beneath the coffee table. Takeshi did a number on her to prevent her from stopping him.

All the little details have been taken care of; my apartment looks as though nothing untoward happened. If you looked you wouldn’t know that my lover was raped there – nearly killed there, in the bed where we shared our first intimate moments… Oh god… Satoshi… I can’t fight down the tears anymore.

I sob silently, clinging to Satoshi’s limp hand while Kasumi rubs my back and offers comfort.

***

I hear crying…

I try to open my eyes and all I can see is darkness. I try to breathe and there’s something over my mouth. I want to raise my hands to claw at it and I can’t. No… no…

A warm hand tightens around my own and I hear a familiar voice call my name… "Satoshi…"

It’s enough to make the rest not matter and I sink back, knowing I’m safe.

I can’t remember how I got here. And then I realise I don’t know where "here" is.

Unbidden an image comes to my mind, spiky brown hair, tanned face and panic rises again. I can feel tears on my face. The scent of apricots washes over me and I feel a gentle fingertip wipe the tears away. "Don’t cry, Satoshi, you’re going to be all right. I promise."

Shigeru… I want to say his name, but I can’t talk, mouth is too dry…

A brush of a hand and lips press against my forehead. "You have to be, I just got you back in my life – there’s no way in hell I’m letting you go."

His hand is still in mine and I can smell the apricots of his shampoo; it’s so very comforting to know he’s that near. My tears linger on my face; I can’t stop completely. There’s a strange lurching hurt in my stomach, like I’ve lost something important… Something I should have been able to hold on to but was taken…

"I love you Satoshi…" I squeeze Shigeru’s hand with as much strength as I can muster. More moisture falls on my face and I know it’s his tears…

***

He’s awake. I feel like singing Don Quixote’s theme. I feel victorious, vindicated. He’s awake… Satoshi’s awake! I let Alan-Michael and the nurses usher me out as they go in to make sure Satoshi’s all right. I get strange looks as I skip down to the payphone and call home to tell my grandfather and my sister the good news.

As I get the answering machine I realise they might not even know what’s happened… Oh lord, how to leave a message regarding this? "It’s Shigeru," I say quickly. "I’m at the hospital in Tokiwa City, I’m okay – it’s Satoshi, there’s been a bit of trouble – " and the machine cuts out on me. Dammit. I don’t have the change to call back, and there’s no one there to accept a collect call. Fuck me running… But I forget all about it as Alan-Michael rushes up to me and tells me that Satoshi is asking for me.

Whistling the Impossible Dream, I walk back to Satoshi’s room where he’s sitting up in bed. Okay, to be honest, he looks like hell, but to me he’s beautiful. I would have given anything to see those brown eyes open again. I pause in the door, just overwhelmed with emotion.

"Don’t cry," he says hoarsely.

I wasn’t even aware I was. Crying that is. He holds his hands out to me and I would have flying tackled him if I wasn’t terrified he’d break. I can’t stop my tears as he puts his arms around me and holds me close. My heart’s pounding in my chest, I almost lost him, I almost lost him. "I was so worried," I whisper as he presses a gentle kiss to my forehead.

"Oh come on," he says, smiling. "Takes more than that to take me out."

I pull back and look into his eyes, and there’s no trace of hate or anger or anything but love. I’m confused. I’m shaking. "What’s wrong?" he asks.

"I’m sorry," I whisper, and then I can’t stop it. "I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…"

"Why?"

I hiccup and try to look into his eyes again. "I should have… I couldn’t protect you… I failed you…"

He pulls me close and so hard I have a moment where I can’t breathe. "Don’t be stupid, Shigeru. All I could think of was that he had killed you; he kept bragging how you were down… And then I was almost glad he had cut me, because I couldn’t imagine going on without you."

He doesn’t hate me… He… oh god… "I love you so very much Satoshi," I whisper.

"You can be such a baka," he murmurs. "But I love you too." And then he kisses me, softly and tenderly.

We hear a throat cleared behind us and I look up to see Natsume standing there with an innocent expression on her face. "Glad to see you’ve rejoined us, Satoshi."

"Thanks," he says.

She gives me a look that says, "Have you told him yet?"

.//Feh, let him at least get out of the hospital first.//

She nods and smiles. "How do you feel?" she asks Satoshi.

"Well, I’ve been a hell of a lot better." His eyes darken and a frown mars his face. "What’s happened with Takeshi?"

A stab of jealousy would have shot through me under any other circumstance, but I can feel his fear. It’s the most obscenely intimate thing I’ve ever experienced. I don’t like it, but I don’t know how to stop it. It’s like the odour of burning hair combined with a knife-edge keening pain. It takes my breath away and I put my arm around his shoulders and settle down next to him on the bed. It lightens up as I get closer and we’re in contact with each other. "You’re safe," I whisper. He looks at me curiously. "Well, you are."

"He’s in custody awaiting sentencing. He’s confessed, though there is a chance the two of you may have to testify against him." Satoshi shudders. "But only a chance," she reassures quickly. "Shigeru-san, could I have a word with you?"

I’m loath to leave him, and I let her know it in no small terms, but she’s insistent. I kiss Satoshi once more and then follow her into the hallway. She takes me down to the currently vacant family lounge.

"You’re going to have to learn how to shield yourself. Around Satoshi-san in particular," Natsume tells me. "Your feelings for him can paralyse you if his emotions are strong."

"Do I have to?"

"Imagine if you could have felt his fear when Takeshi attacked him."

I’m suddenly overwhelmed and choking, I can’t breathe, I … It stops just as suddenly. "What… what was that?"

"A feedback loop. You were afraid, then his fear amplified it. The more you fear, the more you project and the more you project the more you get back. There are times where this is a good thing." She blushes and I have the feeling I know exactly *when* she’s talking about. "But most of the time it’s a very bad thing. Picking up random emotions from the people around you can also be bad."

I try to imagine what Takeshi’s rage and hate and Satoshi’s fear would have done to me… oh god… she’s right. "Okay, what do I have to do?"

It takes me an hour and a half to learn this and by the time I do, I have a splitting headache. Her last words to me are "Tylenol, lots and lots of Tylenol. And be glad your powers are rather weak… I’ve been training since I was a child and I still can’t block out everything."

"But you’re a Psychic Pokémon trainer," I protest. "And a gym leader."

"And you’re an actor and a damn fine one. Not to mention you have the potential to really grow with your powers. You’re going to have to be careful, Shigeru-san. I’ll help you when I can, but I can’t neglect my Gym." She looks at me hard for a moment. "I wonder if you two shouldn’t move to Yamabuki City when Satoshi-san is able."

"They do have a fine theatre there," I muse aloud. She stares at me in disbelief and I smile. "What, you expected me to stop pounding the floorboards?"

"You have to be the least serious telepath I have ever met," she says shaking her head.

"Feh," I tell her. "I’m Satoshi’s first, an actor second, a Pokémon trainer third and everything else falls into place after it."

Natsume hugs me and then pulls back. "Work on your shields. I have a challenger I have to go deal with. You might want to warn Satoshi-san of your new found skills – he’ll figure it out eventually when your eyes start glowing like mine do." And then she disappears from my arms. Oh, that’s freaky.

I wander back to Satoshi’s room. The nurse is in there helping him get back into bed, so I wait patiently outside for her to finish arranging the IV and other stuff. As I stand there the duty nurse walks over and offers me a glass of water and two Tylenol. Feh, I must be projecting my headache; Natsume would be disappointed. I accept the drugs and the water gratefully and concentrate on keeping everything under wraps.

When I’m coming back from throwing the paper cup away, the nurse is leaving and gestures for me to enter the room. Satoshi looks groggy, like the painkillers are kicking in. I wish he could stay awake longer, but I know he needs his sleep if he’s going to make a full recovery. His eyes light up when he sees me in the doorway. "Could use some company," he says with a grin.

Avoiding wires and tubes and stuff, I sit down next to him and put my arm around his shoulders. He snuggles up next to me and it’s not too long before he’s asleep. It sounds like a good idea considering my headache and I rest my head against his and close my eyes.

All of a sudden I have this sensation of panic, worry and anger that feels familiar in the oddest way. I open my eyes and shake off the last of sleep as I realise the combination is known to me because my grandfather is rapidly approaching.

Reluctantly, I settle Satoshi back against the pillow, slip off his bed and sit chastely down in the chair just as a polite knock sounds at the door. Oh lord, I think I’m glad I have these powers now – or at least, I’m aware of them.

"Come in," I whisper, just loud enough for them to hear.

I stand respectfully as my sister enters, but then my grandfather follows behind, shutting the door as he passes through it. That doesn’t surprise me, god forbid we Ookidos air our dirty laundry in public, you know. I didn’t expect to see Nanami…

My grandfather is not a happy man right now; I can read it in his body language much less with my newfound powers. He’s never truly been able to accept the fact his only grandson is homosexual, and this is the final blow. I’d love to think he’d be tolerant if it had been anyone but Satoshi had – had…

"Good Lord, Shigeru, when you started this mad obsession with the theatre – "

"Grandfather, you’ll wake him. Please, yell at me later?" I thought all my tears were gone. You know, like in the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe where Lucy and Susan weep for Aslan and they cry until they simply have no more tears, so deep is their grief? I thought I reached that point until I saw my sister and my grandfather in the doorway to Satoshi’s room. I was wrong…

"Shigeru, what happened?" Nanami says, trying to make peace between us, just like she always does.

How the hell do I phrase this politely? "A week ago I invited Satoshi to see the Man of La Mancha." My voice cracks. "He hit his head on a lamp post and got amnesia."

"This is the result of that?" Grandfather asks dryly.

"Sort of," I admit. "He had a mild concussion – I had him stay over at my place. Don’t give me that disgusted look, Grandfather. Just because I have a man stay over doesn’t mean I jump his bones the minute we’re alone." Dammit, I have no patience for his intolerance right now. "We talked, mostly about why we started hating each other. In the meantime, Satoshi’s ex got jealous."

"A woman did this?"

Oh Grandfather, grow up! He wouldn’t be with me if he were straight… "No. Takeshi did."

"The Nibi City Gym Leader?"

"Only one I know of," I say sourly. "He assaulted me in the parking garage, broke into my apartment, knocked me out and raped Satoshi – nearly killing him."

Nanami gasps and sinks into a chair… Oh shit, I’m sorry sis… that was real tactful of me. But I love him, and my hands are tied… And I almost lost him and Grandfather’s being an ass… hey, I had to get it from somewhere, right?

"Is there going to be a trial?" Grandfather asks softly. For a moment I think he’s just worried about our family name, but I feel it then… he’s really concerned. Relief floods through me; could this be the first step towards accepting my homosexuality instead of ignoring it?

I force myself to regain control, letting the actor’s mask slip over my features. "Possibly. He confessed to everything. I almost killed him trying to stop him. I finally found a use for that cricket bat you gave me when I was six, Ojiichan."

My grandfather leans against the doorjamb. His shoulders slump, his head falls to his chest. I get up from my chair when he starts to shake. He lifts a hand up to stop Nanami… oh god, he’s laughing… no… he’s hysterical… It’s getting hard to keep him blocked.

"He didn’t deserve this," Grandfather says as tears run down his cheeks. He stares at me and I feel uncomfortable. "You haven’t called me Ojiichan since you were eleven." I feel a blush rising; he’s right, I haven’t used that nickname for him since I was a kid.

"Does his mom know?" I ask softly, unwilling for this to become the centre of the conversation.

"Shigeru, Satoshi’s mother passed away eight months ago – brain aneurysm," Nanami informs me. "She had headaches on and off for months. One day she was fine and then just… gone."

I sink back down into the chair. It’s been ages since I deliberately spoke with my family, so I’m not surprised I didn’t know, but I would have thought… Satoshi never said a thing… To have that happen while dealing with the strain of Takeshi and Hiroshi… I reach out with my free hand to brush the dark hair off his brow, and hold his hand just a little tighter. "I wanted to protect him and I couldn’t…" I whisper. I’m not sure just to whom I’m saying it either.

Satoshi… please wake up… Come back to me again… This drugged sleep is too much like the coma… I don’t like it. //Satoshi… I love you,// I whisper into his mind. A smile appears on his face. He heard me, I know he did.

** Oh, Holy Tears
They linger on**

Nanami and Grandfather left hours ago. Visiting hours ended hours ago. They let me stay; I’ve bullied the night nurse into letting me stay, rather. I know she fears the frantic panic in my eyes whenever anyone suggests it. I’m not above projecting my irrational alarm to them either. I hate leaving him, now that the danger of the coma has passed I’m terrified he’ll wake while I’m gone and I won’t be there when he needs me.

A terrified scream cuts through my thoughts. Satoshi’s eyes are open and he’s screaming…

I don’t think; I just react. I thread my arm beneath the wires and the tubes and hold him close to my chest, rocking him gently. "Satoshi... it’s all right, it’s over. It’s all over."

"Shigeru?" His voice is weak and rough but he’s aware, he’s really aware and not in some sort of a delusion.

"It’s okay, I’m here. I won’t leave you, I won’t ever leave you." He relaxes in my arms just as the nurse comes in armed with a syringe full of sedative. I shake my head; it won’t be necessary. He laughs suddenly and I realise my hair has fallen in his face.

I never thought I’d hear him laugh again. My tears wet my face, slipping down my cheeks as he laughs. I know that any minute it might turn to hysterical sobs, but for now…

"Don’t try to talk. Just rest and get better. I love you so very much, Satoshi. Please…"

"Love you too, Shigeru," he whispers.

He’s silent, and then, "Shigeru?"

"Hai," I answer softly. There’s something bubbling beneath the surface of his mind, I can feel it. "What?"

"I have to tell you… I have to tell you what I remember, so the nightmares stop."

"Are you sure you want to?" I whisper. I’m half-curious but mostly scared.

He swallows hard and nods. "You don’t have to now," I tell him.

"Yes, I do. I have to do it while it’s fresh in my mind." He cuddles as close to me as the machinery and such lets him. His body is warm next to mine and I can feel his breath against where my shirt doesn’t cover my chest and neck. (It’s a V-neck, behave!)

"I remember hearing the glass breaking," he whispers. "And you going to investigate." He smiles. "The cricket bat. You went into the darkness and I heard a sickening crunch…"

He’s starting to shake; I don’t like this but I’m not sure what to do. I hold him close and kiss his temple comfortingly.

"I tried to run for the door, but he tackled me and the next thing I knew he had a knife pressed against my face." That explains the four-inch gash…

"I just… he started bragging about knocking you down and when I shouted your name, he grabbed the cloth from about his neck and gagged me with it." Satoshi swallows hard and I feather my fingers through his hair. I’m well aware that if Natsume hadn’t taught me how to block his fear from my mind, I’d be useless to him now. I’m going to have to be careful.

"I was so scared that I didn’t move when he got up. I guess he was looking for something to bind me with. Just about when I got brave enough to bolt again, he returned and tied my hands behind my back." He whimpers softly as his eyes close against the memories.

"It’s okay, Satoshi," I whisper against his temple.

He nods. "I don’t know why I didn’t just take the gag out and run when he first left me alone. I should have, I…"

"He knew you wouldn’t, Satoshi," I tell him. "He controlled you through your entire relationship."

"I know… I was afraid of him, I always was."

Always will be, I realise. I’m so sorry, Satoshi…

"He would blame me for arousing him. He thought – thought what we did was wrong, but it didn’t stop him from…"

"Would he hit you?"

"Not so it showed… I don’t think Kasumi realised… I mean, she knew, but not that he was… She knew I wasn’t happy," he murmurs.

More than anything right now I want to kill Takeshi. How dare he? How *dare* he! It takes every ounce of skill I’ve ever learned in my decade plus on the stage to keep my face impassive. "You don’t have – "

"Yes, I do," he replies quietly. "He threw me on the bed and then cut away the pyjamas you lent me. He would let the blade touch my skin and it was like ice. I was sobbing by then; half-praying he’d just go away and half-wishing I was dead. He grabbed a handful of my hair in his hand and pulled me up. He sneered and whispered, ‘If I can’t have you no one will…’ into my face." Satoshi shudders, but I don’t think he’s aware he’s doing it. "And then he started brushing my tears away gently and I didn’t know what to think."

"He kept saying my name over and over, telling me he loved me and that he always loved me and that I had hurt him so much when I left him. And I kept thinking that he threw me away; that I hadn’t been his for almost two years and then he said…" Satoshi opens his eyes, looks up at me and what I see in his eyes scares the hell out of me. "He told me… he had been drugging my food, Shigeru. For two years. He’d… He’d wait for those nights that Kasumi went away and then he’d drug me and… I didn’t remember any of it – he did it before I met Hiroshi and after… Shigeru… He would make Hiroshi…"

I have to close my eyes against his; I can’t stand to see that … I don’t even have a name for it. Takeshi’s utter depravity has… disgusted isn’t even a strong enough word. It’s horrific and that’s the best I can come up with under these circumstances.

"You’re disgusted," he mumbles and I open my eyes to look at him in reassurance.

"With Takeshi, not you, Satoshi-love. Are you sure he was doing that?"

Satoshi nods. "When I started training for the Indigo League, I’d have mornings I would wake up more groggy than others. I’d have bruises I couldn’t explain and I’d be sore, as if…" He sighs. "When Takeshi and Hiroshi became an ‘official couple’ I was happy for Takeshi, but… Even then I knew there was something wrong. I couldn’t understand why Hiroshi wouldn’t talk to me; he was humiliated by what Takeshi made him do to me, what he had to watch… He was too afraid to say anything and Takeshi never let us have time by ourselves…"

I wipe the tears off his face with the cuff of my sleeve.

"That’s why Takeshi was so furious when I physically left the group because I had literally left him… He could pretend before but… And then Hiroshi took off too…"

"He can’t touch you now, I won’t let him."

He touches my face softly. "You mean that."

"Of course," I say emphatically. "Satoshi, whatever it takes to keep you safe, I’ll do it. I love you."

"I love you too. But, you sound like that Meat Loaf song," he says, a half smile quirking on his lips.

"And I would do anything for love, oh anything for love. I would do anything for love…" I sing. He grins and then tears start falling again. "What’s wrong?"

"I saw you; that you were following us. I couldn’t figure out what you wanted. If…" He chokes down a sob. "Oh god, Shigeru – he did that to me for *two years!* H - How could I have been…"

"Satoshi, it’s not your fault." I hold him close and brush his hair away from his eyes. "Hindsight is twenty-twenty. Don’t you think I’ve been cursing the fact I left you unguarded for an entire week now?"

"It’s been a week?"

I nod. "You were in a coma for five days."

I’m expecting his next question. "Pikachu?"

"Kasumi and Natsume have been taking care of her. Takeshi hurt her pretty bad to stop her from protecting you. In fact, they’re supposed to bring her by tomorrow now that you’re awake," I tell him.

He’s quiet for a long time and I just hold him, wishing I could make it all go away. "Are you distracting me on purpose?" he asks.

"No…" I whisper. "I don’t deny I don’t like this, but if this is what you feel you have to do, then I’m here. I know what the doctors have said looks like happened to you… but I don’t know for certain. Only you and he know, and he’s only talking to the police."

When Satoshi begins speaking again, his voice is little and lost. "He was really mad that I was too scared to be aroused, and I took a lot of pride in that. I didn’t want him to think that despite it all he could still get to me. That was important." Tears spill over his lashes once more. "That was important," he repeats as if he’s trying to convince himself of it.

"Oh Satoshi." It’s gotten to the point I don’t know what to say anymore. I hold him and rock him and whisper reassuring noises as I kiss his temple and wipe away his tears.

"I was hoping I’d pass out… or he’d kill me quickly. Anything to make it stop…" His voice breaks. "He kept cutting me when… When I wasn’t."

"You don’t have to say it, I understand," I murmur.

He burrows against my chest, hiding his face against my shirt; I lean over him, protecting him from his memories. All of a sudden I hear screaming… It’s Satoshi… It takes me a few seconds to realise that he’s not screaming aloud, and that he’s asleep. I… I can hear his dreams…

I try to soothe him as another scream pierces through my mind. I can’t… Can’t stop them…

… Screams…

… Screams…

… PAIN… oh god…

… Tears… Sobbing… Pleading… Begging…

… "Little whore… You’ll spread your legs for any nice cock that comes your way! Did he fuck you, Satoshi? Did he make you whimper; did he make you come? Did he? DID HE!""

… save me, Shigeru… let me die… please…

//SATOSHI!//

** Gone like the broken words
At your feet**

The next thing I know there’s an intern standing over me, flashing a small light in my eyes. "Are you all right?"

I blink rapidly. How did I get on the floor?

"I – I – I think I need to make a phone call," I say, struggling to my feet.

"Shigeru-san." Natsume’s cool voice is like a balm to my aching head. I grab the bed railing and pull myself up. Satoshi is resting comfortably, his face is relaxed and peaceful and there’s even a faint smile on his lips.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Natsume’s eyes glimmer that eerie blue and then the intern leaves me alone. "For someone who was so reluctant to brain wipe Takeshi, you sure use that a lot," I say, somewhat crossly yet quietly, because you never know who is listening. She smiles enigmatically and then brushes her fingers across Satoshi’s wounded cheek. Her smile turns into a frown as she looks at me.

"Hold still," she tells me, coming to stand next to me. She puts her fingertips to my forehead. "You did. Shigeru, you shouldn’t have been able to…"

"What did I do?" I’m starting to get worried here, I mean, I’m like a novice at this telepathic stuff, right?

"You left Satoshi-san’s memories intact and took his fear and pain away. There’s… I can’t… What happened?"

Wow, I’ve reduced Natsume to speechlessness; it’s not an easy task. So I explain how he was confiding what Takeshi did to him and then how he fell asleep and I saw his dreams. This earns me another startled gasp from Natsume. Then… "What’s going on?"

"Well, keep in mind that in Yamabuki City it’s actually six in the morning. I had just gotten out of the shower when I felt… something. I didn’t know what it was, but I got here as fast as I could. Shigeru… You did something *I* can’t do."

Suddenly, the floor is very close again. I have to stop doing this falling stuff without realising I’m doing it. I’m not preparing for the landings very well; I’m going to really hurt myself pretty soon. "Natsume, how is that possible?"

She frowns. "I’m not sure. That’s something I’m not even sure a Pokémon can do. I’ve heard rumours that very high level Drowsee can, but…"

"I didn’t hurt him, did I?" Oh lord, please no… don’t tell me I’ve only made things worse.

"Not that I can tell," she says, stepping close enough to caress her fingers over Satoshi’s forehead. "Just… what were you thinking right before you found yourself on the floor?"

"In his dream, he begged me to save him… and then he wanted to die and I couldn’t… I couldn’t let that happen and I shouted his name and then…" I rub my backside ruefully. "I was on the floor."

"No, what were you *thinking,* not what was happening."

I catch her inflection this time. I sift through every second of those frantic moments when I realised I could hear his dream. He was screaming, I had to help him… I had to do something; I had to make it go away. "I had to make it go away," I repeat softly. "I had to make it better."

Natsume’s eyebrows rise of their own accord. "I’m not sure if you did or not, but he’ll sleep easier now. I have no idea what this will mean for you, though, Shigeru."

"It doesn’t matter," I say vehemently as tears sting in my eyes. "Whatever it takes…"

"You really love him, ne?" Natsume whispers.

"Always," I reply. "Ever since we were kids, I always looked out for him, I adored him. I would have done anything for him. I probably did. It hurt so much when we pushed each other away. If… twenty-twenty hindsight." I sigh. "But we could have saved each other so much pain…"

"Go shower, clean up a little. I’ll sit with him until Kasumi comes with Pikachu."

I want to protest, but I know better. The last time I protested Natsume I was clean and dressed again before I knew what happened. She’s not above putting the whammy on me either. I pick up my overnight bag – the one I’ve lived out of for a week – and walk down to the family lounge. It’s vacant, so I shower and dress quickly, anxious to get back to Satoshi.

** They are gone
In the venom lips that kiss me sweetly**

I run down the two flights of stairs to the main hall of the townhouse the minute I hear the paperboy toss the rolled up newspaper against the door. Before I even get half way back upstairs, I’ve turned to the theatre review section. My eyes scan…

"YES!" I yelp as I dash back to the bedroom.

"This season’s production of Man of La Mancha brings with it a most welcome newcomer to the Yamabuki theatre scene. Ookido Shigeru positively *shines* as the mad knight-errant! His interpretation of Don Miguel de Cervantes is *divine* and his esoteric portrayal of the morality driven Don Quixote makes last year’s performance seem dull and boring." I’m bouncing up and down as I enter the bedroom. "Satoshi, they love me!" I’d haul him out of bed and happy dance with him if I thought he would let me; if I thought I could…

"So do I." He laughs as I hop onto the bed, dislodging a grumbling Pikachu who bounces and lands on my sleeping Windie. He growls at her and then she curls up in his scruff; they both go back to sleep – they’re used to my exorbitant behaviours now. "Ookido Shigeru’s performance as Don Quixote de la Mancha has brought new life to the otherwise floundering Yamabuki theatre company," I continue. "His acting skills are fresh and clean, giving an air of innocence lost to the ageing knight." I’m too ecstatic to finish reading the review. I sit, bouncing on the bed and waving the paper frantically.

Oh god, it was all worth it… The moving, the practices, Natsume’s glowering glares almost as bad as Ojiichan’s… I did it. I’m famous for what I love doing… Satoshi’s safe and healing with me here in Yamabuki City. Tears sting in my eyes, but I keep them from him.

"Told you that you were entirely too worried for your own good," Satoshi says, claiming the paper from me. He quotes more of my glowing review as he reads through it. "Ek," he says, paling. "They completely ripped into your Dulcinea though."

"I’ve been telling her for weeks that she’s been about as interesting as dirty dishwater – broke up with her boyfriend half way through rehearsals and she just lost her will to act. God forbid she listen to me, the veteran of the Tokiwa stage," I say dramatically. "I think I’ll ask the director to let her understudy stand into tonight. I can’t *bear* to think of singing to her again." I know I’m over acting terribly, but wonderful reviews bring out the ego in me. The actor’s ego, behave!

I roll over and put my head in his lap, immensely pleased when he doesn’t wince. "How do you feel today?" He ruffles my hair softly. It took him so very long before he felt comfortable with such touches. We’ve had to rebuild everything – every touch; every caress is a step forward. He will cling to me when the nightmares come – I didn’t get them all – but when he wakes… he pulls away from me. I know he loves me, I know he does… but Takeshi destroyed everything we had with a single act of violence.

"Pretty good. Thought going to the opening night would really tax me, but I’m okay." His words lift my heart even further. I think I’m going to pass out from happiness. I risk reaching up and touching his face on the right side, away from the healing four-inch long wound. It doesn’t mar his beauty, even though he doesn’t believe me. I wish I could get him to believe me that nothing has changed between us. I love him as madly and passionately as I did when he walked into the light pole and called me his Dulcinea. And I know he loves me with the same ardour, but Takeshi stole his confidence, stole his pride and nearly stole his life…

It’s been three months since Takeshi attacked him. As soon as he was released from the hospital last week Natsume brought him here. I’ve been making my Fudin teleport me back and forth between Tokiwa and Yamabuki, but I didn’t trust it with Satoshi as precious cargo. When I wasn’t here for stage rehearsals, I was by his side. I only went back to the stage because of his insistence. I wasn’t even going to audition…

I’m glad I did. Talking about the rehearsals, costumes, my fellow performers and everything else gave us something else to concentrate on other than how slowly he was healing. I think the entire hospital knew when I was cast as Don Quixote…

But even after all that, it’s going to be nearly another month before he can even think of training his Pokémon again. Ojiichan has been taking care of them, but for Pikachu, who has been living here with us – us being Satoshi, me, and my Windie, who serves as our guard-dog. Pikachu has a limp now, but she doesn’t let it stop her from being the scrappiest little Pikachu I’ve ever seen.

"Sato-chan?" I whisper. I haven’t called him that since the night… Takeshi used to call him that too. I want that familiar name to be mine again. I want him to let me call him that again. He’s quiet for such a long time, and then I feel a tear drip onto my face.

"Hai, Geru-chan?" he asks, looking down at me, his tear-filled dark brown eyes for me and me alone. It’s mine again; the nickname is mine. Eat that one and choke, Takeshi! I think victoriously.

"Are you sorry I took you to the theatre?" I have to know… this has been driving me crazy. I’m sure he isn’t, at least, I think he isn’t… okay, I admit it, I don’t fucking have a clue. My newly found psychic powers are useless when it comes to Satoshi; I love him too much to think clearly about what I’m picking up from him.

He shakes his head. "Never. Not through the physical therapy, the counselling, not through any of it have I regretted that moment you challenged me to a battle in the middle of the forest. You saved me, Shigeru. You saved me from him, and I didn’t even know I needed saving. My knight errant," he grins.

I laugh; I feel at peace again. I don’t think I could have gone on stage tonight with that looming over me… Oh, that reminds me. "You know Ojiichan’s planing on coming to tonight’s show."

He groans and puts his hand to his forehead melodramatically. "He always gives me this *look.*"

"He thinks I’ve corrupted you," I tell him. "How could sweet innocent Satoshi be gay? It must be evil Shigeru’s fault. He’s seduced him, perverted him." We’re both giggling at my impression of my grandfather.

"You’re not evil," Satoshi retorts, bending down to kiss me. He kissed me! "How could the diligent knight errant be anything but pure at heart?"

"Pure at heart, terribly sinful in body." I capture his lips again and tease him terribly. "Sato-chan, I swear the wait’s going to kill me," I groan when he pulls away, breathing hard.

"Oh you, you just love me for my body," he pouts.

"Oh, how did you guess?" I grin evilly. "Yes, Satoshi, I just want you for that strapping young bod of yours. Oh, Sato – do me now. Here, I’ll just bend over…"

He whaps me with a pillow in the face, which I thoroughly deserve since he barely has the physical strength to walk down the two flights of stairs much less a serious bout of lovemaking. "Varlet, be thou careful, my visage is our meal ticket!" I retort, in my Don Quixote accent. "Unless you think I should take Natsume up on her offer to have me work in her Gym. Of course, that’s really just so she can make sure I don’t do anything she doesn’t know how to do again."

"I don’t know about that," he says softly. "I trust her, I just don’t know if I trust her with you. Besides, I thought you figured that out."

I shake my head. "No… I don’t know… I don’t want to think about it. Dealing with the psychic part of me makes my head hurt." I kiss him again. "What do you want for my triumphant celebratory breakfast?"

"You," he says with a sly grin.

Oh god, I’ve waited so long for him to say that, but reality is very wicked to me today. "Satoshi… It’s not nice to tease your overexcited, hormonally charged lover."

"Who said I’m teasing?" His words should be light and joking, but he’s serious, oh god… he’s serious!

"Are you sure?" I don’t want to ask that, I just want to let him do what he can to me. I’m pretty sure that anything beyond a good bout of oral sex is all he can manage. But just tasting him again would be enough for me.

"I want you Shigeru. I’ve wanted you for weeks, months now. The doctor says that I… I can’t take you in me yet, but… if you will let me, I can take you." His cheeks are red and his voice has dropped to a hoarse whisper.

"L – Let you… oh god Satoshi, I was ready to write *that* off completely."

His eyes widen in surprise. "I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready for," I whisper, caressing his face. He doesn’t flinch when my fingertips lightly pass over the scarring wound on his left cheek.

He orders me to take my robe and my pyjamas off and I do so willingly. What follows is a slow dance of rediscovery. I love every inch of his body, as if I can wipe away what Takeshi did with my whispered endearments and my lips on his skin. I kiss, I lick, I suck, and I touch every part of him and reclaim my love and my lover. He’s begging me for release when I finally reach for the lubricant. It’s awkward; it’s slow and probably more painful for him than I as we delicately rejoin in our union. But he feels so very good in me and it feels so right that we’re both crying as he comes within me. He complains that I didn’t come, even though I tell him that doesn’t matter, he insists on throating me until I do… I won’t be arguing that one again anytime soon.

We cuddle on the bed until Pikachu reminds us our activities might have sated us, but they didn’t do anything to keep her and Windie from being hungry. I groan and pull myself from his warm embrace. He winces. "I should probably take a bath," he murmurs.

He’s paranoid about being clean now – partially because he’s used to the hospital environment – mostly because of the rape… I kiss him again and he purrs. "Okay, I’ll go feed Pikachu and Windie – you bathe." I throw my robe on, because well, when your friends can teleport into your living room at their whim, you rapidly lose any habits of walking around naked.

I don’t like this townhouse as much as I liked my old apartment in Tokiwa City, I think as I descend the stairs. The piano’s here and so is my couch where Satoshi and I first made love. My guitar… my possessions. But it’s all wrong… because it’s not ours. It’s simply the place where we live. I think Satoshi feels that way too, and it’s hampering his recovery. I feed Pikachu with automatic motions, the same for Windie. I think we need to find our own place, if the physical toll on Satoshi isn’t too high. Of course, what am I thinking, we can hardly even *think* about looking for a new place until my run is over… So that’s… another two months at least. Hrm… Kasumi’s not doing anything… And Satoshi needs something to do on the nights he doesn’t come to the theatre with me…

I am realistic enough to know he’s not going to sit through me on stage night after night. He loves the show and he loves me, but I just don’t expect it of him. It’s too hard on him to simply get to the theatre. I know he can’t do this yet and having him there on opening night meant more than words to me…

"You’re plotting something," Satoshi’s voice comes from the stairs.

I turn and give him my innocent look. "No, I’m not."

"Yes, you are," he returns as he slowly walks down the stairs, unguarded pain on his face. Just regular blah stairs, not my lovely metal work one… that got left in Tokiwa City. It’s already being rented, and I’m making a tidy profit on that too. But that doesn’t feel right either.

"I don’t like living here," I admit as I meet him at the bottom of the stairs. "It doesn’t feel like home. I thought… I thought that when you came it would, but it doesn’t."

He reaches out and caresses my face. "Are you unhappy Geru-chan?"

"Yes," I whisper as he leans heavily against the banister. "I want us to feel comfortable and safe and that we own where we live. I feel like a fish out of water in this place."

He looks around the living room and sighs. "Me too," he confesses softly.

** Gone like a frightened bird
Into the sky**

It’s two in the morning when I get home, but I have such lovely news! Satoshi’s waiting up for me, how sweet! With Windie on the floor by the couch and Pikachu curled on his lap, he’s asleep on the couch. I lock the door and I greet Windie as he sniffs me and then licks the last of the make up off my face. It took me forever to get Nanami and Ojiichan settled at the hotel. Okay, the new brother-in-law-to-be was one hell of a shock, but just because my life has been chaos for the past three months doesn’t mean life hasn’t gone on for everyone else… but now… I’m home… and none of that matters other than Satoshi’s asleep waiting for me.

"How long has he been out?" I ask Windie.

He whines softly, which I interpret to be as ‘not too long.’

"I’m not asleep," Satoshi says softly. I bound over to his side and kneel by the couch.

I kiss him gently and have to pull away as he tries to slip his tongue past my lips… He’s feeling a lot better I see. "How did it go?" he asks.

"Pretty good, I thought I gave another stellar performance and even Ojiichan grudgingly admitted it was a ‘damn fine show, Shigeru.’ He’s proud of me," I whisper, my eyes gleaming with tears. Satoshi kisses me again. "I’ve always been proud of you."

"Oh guess what? I mentioned our desire to find a place to live to Sakura and you won’t *believe* this!" I have to get past that moment or I’m going to jump him.

He giggles.

"What?"

"You’re always so melodramatic when you come home from being on stage. You sound like Nathan Lane in the Birdcage or Hank Azaria in Mystery Men, Geru-chan," he says with a grin. "All gestures and emphasised words."

"Sorry," I say as I attempt to pull my dignity back around me.

"’sokay. It’s cute," he murmurs and then he pulls me back down for another kiss.

"Ne, Sato-chan. I have good news. My make up lady – Sakura - was listening to me whine about how we want a new place and her daughter just finished renovating this place with her husband and then they got into a huge argument over it and they’re getting a divorce."

"Take a breath, Shigeru," he admonishes.

I stick my tongue out at him and exaggerate breathing. "Anyway, if we like it. We can get a great deal on it!" I finish triumphantly.

"What is it?" he asks worriedly.

I giggle again; gee, I almost sound intoxicated. "A converted church!"

"I’m going to have to see this to believe it," he murmurs. "Go take your shower, I’ll be in bed when you get done."

I think I’ve spent the last forty-eight hours in a state of euphoria. I expect to crash soon, but not while I’m in the shower getting the gel out of my hair and the traces of makeup off my face. I barely trudge through it before flopping on to the bed next to him, my hair still mostly wet. I have a fragmented memory of Satoshi kissing me and then nothing until Pikachu trounces me demanding her breakfast. Fortunately, she’s the spokes-Pokémon because I’d hate to get trampled by three hundred and forty-two pounds of Windie first thing in the morning. "I’m up, I’m up," I insist…

"Ne, Pikachu, let him sleep," I think I hear Satoshi’s voice say. And then Pikachu goes away…

Oooo…

I feel like I have a hangover.

The scent of coffee teases at me… "Mmm… Satoshi… what time is it?"

The bed sinks as he sits down next to me. "Almost noon. How do you feel?"

"Like shit," I mutter. I crack open my eyes and groan. Why is it so bright in here? Oh, yeah, noon.

"Natsume called, she told me to remind you that you have to strengthen your shields when you’re on stage. The euphoria of the crowd and all…" He shrugs as if he’s not completely sure what he’s just said. Unfortunately, I understand him all too well.

"I was drunk," I tell him. "On the emotions of the audience and it was so powerful it ran from opening night until last night in the shower."

"Wow," Satoshi whispers.

"Am I hallucinating the coffee?"

I pull myself to sitting against the headboard and accept the coffee gratefully. "Sakura-san also called. She said if we want to look at the church this afternoon she can arrange it. I have the address and told her we could try to be there around two."

I take a sip of my coffee and nod. "I have to be back at the theatre by seven. Ojiichan wants to take us out to dinner tonight. Are you up to that?"

He frowns cutely. "On top of seeing the house?"

"I’ll go easy on you," I say with a rakish grin. "I won’t jump you now."

"I swear, all you think of is sex," he retorts.

I pull him into my lap without spilling the coffee. "Because you inspire me to it, Sato-chan."

It’s one thirty by the time we leave the town house…

I’m not sure what either of us expects when we pull up to the white church. It is a rather modest sized church; doublewide stairs lead up to the beautiful red mahogany doors. The stained glass has been replaced with regular glass. It’s… beautiful in a simplistic Arts and Crafts style way. I hear Satoshi’s intake of breath as Pikachu whispers ‘chu’ when I park in the small driveway. Sakura exits the building through the doors and waves at me when she sees me get out of the car. "C’mon," I tell Satoshi and Pikachu.

"Shigeru-san," Sakura says with the traditional stage ‘hug hug kiss kiss’ greeting. I like her, she’s a great make up artist and she treats me like a son. "This must be your Satoshi," she adds, shaking his hand warmly. I think if she had tried to hug him that he would have bolted. I put my hand in his and Sakura shows us into the entranceway.

The doors rest at the bottom of the tower, giving the feel of importance to the main entrance of the church. I like this – it suits my theatre mentality. "You’ll have to excuse the mess, they’re in the process of moving out. This is the old chapel, it’s the living room/dining room now."

Wow…

"It’s beautiful," I whisper. I can imagine how the piano will sound played in here and my guitar… Oh wow…

"Where do those lead?" Satoshi asks, nodding toward the doors that flank the massive fireplace.

"To the left is a hall that leads to the office my daughter had put in for her business, the kitchen and right leads to the stairs," Sakura says. "If you two just want to look around, I have to finish packing up her office. I’ll be back here if you need anything." And she goes through the door to the left.

"What do you think?" I murmur to Satoshi.

"It’s very big," he replies.

I lead him over to the fireplace; I was right, it’s slate. The opening is almost as tall as I am. I’m falling in love with this place. I can feel it. "Let’s go upstairs," Satoshi suggests.

A long hallway, cleverly lit to showcase pictures that are no longer on the walls, meets us. We don’t have too many places to go here - just right or straight. Satoshi tugs on my hand and leads me to the right. There’s a closet and then we seem to be in a guestroom. It has it’s own bathroom, complete with full bath and a balcony. It’s very stark without any furniture in here, but it’s got potential. "This is nice," he mutters, looking down at the floor, which is stained oak polished to a shine.

"I bet the master suite is down this way," I say, pulling him back into the hallway.

"I have a collection of pictures of my Pokémon that Tooru took I have been meaning to do something with," Satoshi murmurs as we walk down the gallery like hall. It’s growing on him; this place is growing on him!

"Oh my," he whispers as we enter the master bedroom. The bed frame is still in the room, but there is little else. The master bedroom has it’s own fireplace, and the bed frame sits across from the fireplace, and between the balcony and the positively self-indulgent master bathroom.

"Let’s go downstairs," he murmurs. We retrace our steps and end up back in the chapel/living room. "You know, the piano would look nice over there," he says as we walk past the fireplace.

I follow his hand and I have to agree, it would look nice there, with my amp and my guitar next to it, the… well… we need to see the rest first, ne?

We tiptoe past Sakura – who’s watching some sort of talk show while she packs up books. We want to explore the kitchen first – which, by process of elimination has to be through here. "Oh," Satoshi says.

"Oh," I agree. It’s huge!

I walk over to the large counter – topped with black marble and run my hand over it. My sympathetic nature has taken a liking to this place. And the kitchen set up reminds me of the restaurant where I took Satoshi for breakfast after that first night we had together.

"Ne, Shigeru," Satoshi whispers as he comes to lean next to me. "How much are they asking?"

I almost have to laugh because I did work it out while I patiently waited for Sakura to transform me into my character last night. "The payments would be less than the town house. Slightly more than my old apartment, but since the new renters are paying more than I did." I shrug. "Face it Satoshi, you’re in love with a little rich boy, if you want this, I’ll make it happen for you."

He puts his arms around me and rests his head on my shoulder. "I feel safe here," he whispers.

** Won’t you take everything
I ever had and leave me to die**

Moving day takes place a week after my last show as Don Quixote. We’ve had some work done on the place, adding in our own touches – getting the first rate security system upgraded to something that borders on near obnoxious, but I’m not going to get Satoshi get hurt again. Having Natsume help with the moving made positioning the piano rather easy.

"Bye!" I wave as Natsume and Kasumi drive off in Kasumi’s new car. Satoshi and I are on the stairs outside of the church – our home.

He slips his arm around my waist and pulls me close to him. "That was remarkably easy," he whispers.

"Well, you get a telekinetic as strong as Natsume and moving gets very easy." Oh we have pictures to hang and stuff, but we won’t be going back to the town house. "How do you feel?"

"Pretty good." He laughs. "So, do I carry you over the threshold or do you carry me?"

"We’re not married," I remind him.

"So?" he retorts.

I can hardly resist the challenge; I sweep him off his feet and carry him into our castle. "My fair Satoshi, live here with me for the rest of thy life so that I may share my love with you," I improvise.

He laughs again and wraps his arms around my neck. "Only if I may share my love with you, my knight," he returns. We’re both laughing as I carry him over the threshold into the house. Things are looking pretty good. The phone rings as we collapse giggling on the couch. "I’ll get it," I say, grabbing at the phone. We kept the same phone number that we had at the town house – easier for Ojiichan to remember it. Having someone call the day we move in doesn’t seem surprising, but as I pick it up, I have this strange feeling I shouldn’t…

"Konnichiwa," I say into the receiver.

There isn’t any answer. Just… breathing… All of a sudden I drop the phone as a spike of sheer hate rocks through me. I can hear Satoshi calling my name… My vision blurs and…

I wake to the sound of Satoshi sobbing and the grandfather clock striking… The room is dark; all the blinds over the elegant Gothic windows have been pulled. My head hurts something terrible and I try to focus. I’m on the couch; I realise. Where’s Satoshi? I stare at the clock until the time registers – it’s eight.

"Satoshi!" I yell even though it hurts worse to do it.

"Pikapi!" Pikachu grabs at my sleeve and pulls me from the living room to the small bathroom behind the kitchen. The door is closed, but the sound of crying is louder. "Satoshi? It’s Shigeru." I try the door but it’s locked. "Let me in. What happened?"

Slowly, the door opens and he falls into my arms. He’s trembling. "I – I picked up the phone after you dropped it. It… Takeshi’s out of jail," he whispers. "And he knows where I am."

That explains the hate I felt… Takeshi has no reason to even remotely like me at the moment. "He can’t touch you. Come on, I’ll call Natsume and…"

"No, just stay with me," he whispers, clinging to me.

"Did you set the system?" I ask.

He nods and buries his face in my shirt. So I sit on the bathroom floor, my lover in my arms, waiting for the night to come. I doze for a bit. We’re safe here in our little fortress. The windows are not breakable, the doors are locked, and the system is armed. "Let’s go to bed," I murmur.

"Okay." He’s calmed down now. But before we even move I scour the house for impressions of anything out of place. Hey, I’ve had half a year to work on this with Natsume as my sensei. It’s not like I’m some sort of Jedi Master or anything, but I know how to handle what I have. Nothing feels out of sorts. "Do you want to take a shower?"

"Hai," he whispers. I walk upstairs with him, and it seems surreal to have the pictures of his Pokémon looking at us as we go to the bedroom. Windie follows us without being asked and Pikachu hops up to perch on my shoulder. "Ne, Satoshi," I say as he starts to take off his shirt. "You should close the curtains over the balcony first."

Pikachu squeals in anger as I go to pull the vertical blinds. There’s a crash of glass and suddenly Pikachu is screaming. Lightning crackles in the air and… "Run, Satoshi!" I yell before I’m even aware of the threat. But instead I feel his hand in mine and I see the silhouetted form of Takeshi on the balcony, a sledgehammer in his hands. "NO!" Satoshi shrieks. And my mind explodes as hate surges over me…

And then everything goes quiet. Like the calm in the middle of a hurricane quiet – that eerie unsettling quiet as the eye passes over.

The wind gently blows the blinds where it comes through the broken panes of glass in the French doors. A sledgehammer lies on the balcony and…

The silence is over…

"Pika?" Pikachu hops delicately through the shattered glass and peers over the edge of the balcony. "PIKA!" she shouts.

Sirens cut through the night in response to the alarm. The phone is ringing and the machine picks it up. "Shigeru! Satoshi!" It’s Kasumi…

Almost without thinking I pick it up. "Kasumi," I whisper.

"What’s happened? What’s going on? Natsume just sort of passed out after telling me to call the police over to your place."

"Takeshi is out of jail," I murmur. "Or he’s escaped…"

"Are you two all right? What happened?"

"I don’t know what happened," I admit. I take Satoshi’s hand and the broken glass crunches beneath our shoes as we walk to the balcony. "But I don’t think Takeshi’s going to be bothering anyone for a very long time," I whisper as we stare down at the shadowy body lying in the bushes beneath the balcony.

For a moment I think he’s dead, but he groans and moves slightly. Police officers surround him, their guns drawn, before he makes another move. "Shigeru?" Kasumi demands.

"Shigeru!"

"Hai Kasumi," I whisper.

"Are you two okay?"

I look at Satoshi who stares down at Takeshi in horror as med techs swarm over him. "I don’t know," I answer honestly. I pull Satoshi away from the sight below and draw him close to me. We walk, tracking broken glass through our house, as we go downstairs to let the police in.

Is it over this time? I wonder. How did Takeshi get out anyway?

"Is Natsume all right?" I ask, undoing the locks.

"She’s coming around. You have some questions to answer, Shigeru," Kasumi tells me before she hangs up.

No kidding…

** As I cry holy tears…
They linger on
Only you, my love
Forever gone.**

Two hours later we sit at the counter in our kitchen, Officer Junsa across from us. "My sister in Tokiwa City warned me you’re a trouble maker, Ookido Shigeru," she says with a half smile at Satoshi.

"I seem to encourage break-ins, what can I say," I retort.

She shakes her head as my bare-chested Satoshi gets us more coffee without being asked. "Now, let me see if I have everything here. You won’t have to come down for a statement if I do. About sunset you received a phone call."

I nod. I tried to explain the whole telepathic thing as best I could, and I guess after working in the city of telepaths as long as she has, Officer Junsa has taken that into account. "You empathetically felt strong hate – strong enough to knock you out."

"Hai," I say as Satoshi returns with three filled coffee cups.

"Then you picked up the phone from where he dropped it," she says to Satoshi.

He nods as he sits back down next to me. "I recognised the voice immediately. He said he was going to get me. I panicked, locked up everything and hid in the bathroom," he whispers.

"After what he did to you, you have every right to have acted as you did," Junsa reassures him. He creeps closer to me, as if I can protect him from his memories.

"I came around, I think it was about eight. I remember the clock striking. I found Satoshi and I calmed him down. It was about ten when we went upstairs."

"I see. At 10:05 your alarm company called us to respond to a break in. At 10:08 we got a call from Kasumi from the Yamabuki City Gym urging us to come here even though we had units on the way."

"I’ve been working with Natsume-san of the Gym to get myself under control. Kasumi is a mutual friend who has been staying there," I explain.

Junsa nods. "At 10:11 we arrived on the scene to discover the intruder in the rose bushes beneath the balcony. A ladder nearby indicates that’s how he gained entry. Do you own a ladder?"

"No," I reply. "Our neighbours to the right do, we borrowed it to hang the pictures in the chapel. You might want to see if it’s theirs."

"My question to you is, how did he get from the balcony to the ground," Junsa says.

"Pikachu," Satoshi says suddenly. "She thunder shocked him. It could have been enough to make him fall back over the railing."

"Your Pikachu is that powerful?" Junsa asked.

I laugh softly. "If you recognised him, you wouldn’t be asking that."

"You’re *that* Satoshi?" she asks, surprised.

My lover blushes red as he nods. "Then that’s a very plausible explanation. She holds a grudge against him for what he did to you, doesn’t she?"

"Hai. He hurt her pretty badly too."

Junsa goes over her notes again. "I think we have everything. You may want to have someone come and board up those doors until you can get them replaced. We have all the fingerprint samples we need. This is pretty cut and dried, if you want to clean things up, you can. I’m going to treat this like a stalking case. Yesterday we got news that he had escaped custody, but no one was sure of what he would do. Obviously, he made a bee line here. He’s not going to be getting out of jail any time soon."

"That’s what they told me the last time," Satoshi whispers.

"He won’t hurt you ever again, I promise."

He doesn’t look convinced. As the police leave, Natsume and Kasumi show up. Natsume looks like hell. They sit at the counter while we give them the version the police know.

"And pray tell, was it really Pikachu, Shigeru?" Natsume asks me with an arch of her eyebrow.

"I don’t know," I admit. "I could feel his hate and I knew I had to do something. Then Satoshi put his hand in mine and…" I shrug.

Natsume fixes Satoshi with a glare and he cowers. "You, my dear Satoshi, are a catalyst."

"I’m a what?"

"I should have seen it sooner. You enhance Shigeru’s power enough that he can do things beyond recognised limits. The chance that a telepath finds a compatible catalyst is so rare that I don’t even think it’s been studied beyond theory."

"Is there anyway we can just keep it quiet?" I ask softly.

Natsume’s eyes glow as she looks over both of us. "It’s only in times of crisis," she announces suddenly. "Sort of like when a mother can do things beyond her limits when her children are in danger. It’s not something we haven’t seen before."

I don’t know if she’s right or not, but she’s giving us an out and I’m going to take it. "I see. Did I hurt you?"

She shakes her head and her green hair settles back around her shoulders. Kasumi gently combs through it with her fingers, comforting her lover. "It was unsettling, but it was more that it caught me by surprise than anything."

"Are you going to stay here tonight?" Kasumi asks suddenly.

Satoshi and I exchange looks. "Yes," he says resolutely.

"Do you want us to stay?"

Satoshi shakes his head no. "He’s broken and in custody. He can’t touch me anymore. I’m not going to fear him any longer. I’m tired of being afraid and of living in fear."

I slip off my stool and put my arms around him, holding him close to me.

"Then let us go clean up the glass and stuff," Kasumi says.

"Or do the police need it still?" Natsume finishes.

"Officer Junsa said we could clean up if we want," I say.

Kasumi and Natsume head upstairs. I hear the vacuum shortly there after. I stay where I am, holding Satoshi. "I’m so very proud of you," I whisper.

He turns and looks at me. "Why?"

I don’t reply; I lean down and kiss him softly. He twines his fingers into my hair and keeps me near. He groans as I pull back for breath. "What’s wrong?"

"Our bedroom is occupied," he says, blushing. "And then there’s the matter of we’re missing doors on our balcony."

I clear my throat. "The guest room is not occupied," I remind him.

"H-hai," he whispers as I kiss his neck.

"Oh you two," Kasumi mutters from the doorway. "Not alone five minutes. What were you going to do, take him on the counter?"

We both get the same look of hentai pondering and Kasumi laughs. "Insatiable!" she cries, throwing her hands into the air. "Your chamber of love is now clean. Natsume used her telekinesis to fix the doors. It’s like nothing happened. Anyway, we’re out of here. Call if you need anything."

Kasumi hugs us and then leaves the kitchen. We hear them depart more than anything. "Meet me upstairs," Satoshi whispers, rubbing his fingers over my jean covered arousal.

He walks away.

It takes me an entire minute to be able to move… I lock the door, reset the system and practically fly up the stairs. When I get there, Satoshi is nude on our bed; the only light in the room is the moonlight filtering in through the blinds.

Next to him on the bed is the tube of lubricant. I strip slowly, unable to take my eyes from him. I lay down next to him, gathering his body close to mine. He nibbles at my ear and I melt in his arms. "Shigeru, I want you to take me."

My eyes fly open. "I thought we… we couldn’t do it like that?"

He swallows and sighs. "The doctor finally relented and said I’m healed enough that if I’m ‘this damned horny’ I can if I want. And I want, I want you to hold me, to possess me, to be yours completely. I want to give myself to you, Shigeru."

I’m shaking… "I want you, in me, now," he whispers.

Well, no doubt of what he means there, ne? I run my hands up and down his body, slowly working my way down. I make love to him slowly and cautiously, for this is as much our first time as our first time was. He falls asleep afterward in my arms and I think how lucky I am to have my true love in my castle…

My impossible dreams have come true…