Author: merrow - G - English - Drama/Romance - Reviews: 38
Yuki opened his eyes and looked at the ceiling. He sighed as he realized that he was awake again. He blinked at the roof above him and wondered what time it was. It was dim in the room. Was it early? No, he'd woken earlier too and it had been brighter. It must be getting late. He closed his eyes again. Perhaps he could fall back to sleep. It wasn't as if his eyelids didn't already feel like lead. It'd be easy just to drift back to sleep.
It'd be easier if he just stayed asleep. When he was asleep he didn't have to think about anything, or anyone. It was all just a comfortable blank. He didn't have to feel disgusted with himself. He didn't have to feel ashamed of the way he was behaving.
Shigure had cajoled him out of bed late in the afternoon. He'd wandered downstairs and sat at the table under the heated cover. Tooru had already left for her date. Kyou was nowhere to be found. Shigure chattered at him about something, but Yuki had just sat at the table trying not to think. At some point, he'd fallen asleep there at the table. The dog had shaken him awake, crying that he wasn't listening, but Yuki had just knocked his hand off and left the table. He didn't even bother to respond to teasing comments from the writer. He just didn't have the energy. Besides, it was easier just to keep silent. Shigure could try, but he couldn't really continue a conversation when he was the only participant.
He'd gone upstairs to escape Shigure and found himself standing in his room wondering what to do. He had been staying late at school taking any excuse not to be around the house and around Tooru. All of his schoolwork had long since been done to perfection. All his responsibilities to the council had been diligently pursued and accomplished. Yuki took out a book and laid it open on his desk. He could study. You could never study too much. But he had just ended up staring at the pages blankly. When he woke up several hours later, head cradled in the pages of his book, he finally gave up and went back to bed.
Now he was awake again. And he couldn't stop thinking. By now Tooru and Fujitsima had been on their date for several hours. Was she having fun? Was she smiling just for him? Yuki turned on his side and punched a fist into the pillow. Determinedly he shut his eyes again. Sleep. Sleep. That's all he wanted to do. Sighing he kept his eyes closed and tried to relax. He began to count, trying to banish all thoughts from his mind. One, two, three, four, five...In no time he'd drifted back to sleep.
* * *
Shigure looked up from his newspaper in surprise as Tooru trooped in followed by the hyper ball of energy that was Momiji.
"Shi-chan!" the rabbit beamed, "We've come for dinner!" He pumped his hands in the air in triumph.
"Momichi!" Shigure blinked, taking off his glasses, "What do you mean 'we'?"
"Hatori-san and Hatsuharu-san are parking the car." Tooru smiled as she unwound her scarf. "Has Shigure-san eaten? I think I'm going to try to make noodles for dinner."
Not answering her question, or paying any mind to Momiji's ruffling through the paper for the funnies, he asked, "Tooru-kun? Aren't you home early? I thought your plans where for dinner?"
Tooru blushed and looked down at her feet. "Ah...well...Fujitsima-san and I decided to reschedule dinner for another time..."
Practically sprawled across Shigure's lap as he rifled through the paper Momiji crowed, "He ran out of money!"
"Eh?" Shigure looked down at the boy in his lap as he drew back with the funnies in his hand. "What were you doing there?"
"Haru and I were shopping and ran into them. Fujitsima took us to see Mogeta!" Momiji looked very proud of himself.
"Mmmm....?" Shigure said interestedly. "All of you?" This certainly was interesting. He looked up as Hatori walked in followed by Hatsuharu. "Hello, Ha-san." He'd have to get all the details.
Tooru smiled as she went into the kitchen to make tea, "It was a good movie."
Hatori settled down next to Shigure and pulled out a cigarette. The dog handed the man an ashtray without asking and turned back to Momiji. "So you met them in town?"
"Mm!" Momiji nodded, "We were very surprised when we saw To-ru walk past! Then we found out she was on a date!" The rabbit's eyes were huge with remembered surprise.
"So you met Fujitsima? What was he like?" the dog took one of Hatori's cigarettes, lit it, and took a puff.
Hatori pulled his cigarette away from his mouth in surprise. "You haven't met him?"
Shigure laughed, "What? Was I supposed to interview him like a worried papa before I let Tooru go on a date?" Hatori didn't answer but his disapproval was obvious.
"He was very pale." He said bringing the cigarette back to his lips.
"He wasn't always." Hatsuharu fiddled with one of the buckles on his wrist. "He went red whenever he looked at Tooru-kun."
"Mm!" Momiji nodded. "He didn't have much to talk about though."
Hatsuharu nodded in agreement, "He was quiet. And fidgety." He considered a moment, "And short." He accepted a cup of tea from a blushing Tooru. He looked back at Shigure, "Where is Yuki?"
"Ah," Shigure smiled, "It seems Yuki-kun isn't feeling well. He's been in bed all day."
Hatori looked up and traded an inexpressive look with Shigure who kept his cheerful mask carefully in place. Hatsuharu stood quickly and Tooru nearly dropped the hot kettle.
"Yuki-kun isn't well?" She said distressed. She's spent the entire day having a good time and Yuki was ill the whole time? She set the teakettle on the table, "I should go see if he needs anything."
Hatori turned to Hatsuharu who was looking impassively up the stairs. "Fetch my bag from the car." The white head nodded and left the room. Hatori looked at Tooru, "Why don't you get started on dinner? I'm sure food can only help." The girl bit her lip and did as she was told retiring to the kitchen in worry.
Hatori knocked on Yuki's door but there was no response. He closed his eyes and sighed. This was too familiar. He tried the door and found that it was unlocked. "I'm coming in."
Yuki was a lump on the bed in the dim light of the room. He didn't stir as Hatori entered the room, but the change in his breathing let the doctor know he wasn't sleeping. He pulled up a chair by the bedside and waited.
Finally Yuki cracked a violet eye and sighed. The dragon wasn't going away. He sat up and looked at his folded hands on the bedspread. He let his hair fall over his eyes and sighed heavily again. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? He just wanted to sleep. His sleep-fogged brain didn't even question why Hatori was there.
When it became clear that Yuki wasn't going to speak, Hatori finally took the cigarette from his mouth and carefully stubbed it out. "Are you ill?"
Yuki shook his head, then looked up at the soft rap on the door. Not waiting for permission Hatsuharu poked his head in. He held up Hatori's medical bag by way of explanation. The cow exchanged a wordless conversation with the doctor as he handed the bag over then went out to wait outside. Hatori pulled out a stethoscope and placed the ends in his ears. "Open your shirt." Yuki was obedient, taking the tack he thought most likely to get rid of the other as soon as possible. "Breathe in."
Yuki took a deep breath, concentrating on the sound as it rattled into his lungs. He was starting to wake up a little and wonder why the doctor had come. Had Shigure called him?
"Your breathing sounds fine. I don't think you'll suffer much from your bronchi for much longer." Hatori gave Yuki another long look. "If you aren't ill, why are you in bed?"
"'M tired." Yuki's voice came out as a whisper. He coughed to clear it. "I was just tired."
"Have you eaten today?" Hatori turned the light on the desk on. The boy on the bed drew back in dismay, blinking and trying to shield his eyes from the sudden light. Hatori frowned internally. He didn't like the atmosphere in the room. He'd thought the boy was improving.
Yuki squinted and tried to think. Had he eaten when he'd gone downstairs? He thought Shigure might have put something in front of him but he wasn't sure. He didn't think he'd eaten. In fact, the very thought made him feel ill. "No."
"You will *become* ill if you keep this up." Hatori said irritably. "I already have one permanent patient. I don't need another. Do you want to return to the main house so badly?"
Yuki's eyes flew open and he stared at the dragon. Return? He never wanted to go back! But he couldn't open his mouth to say the words. They were caught somewhere under another lump of words, and if he started saying those words...he wouldn't be able to stop speaking until it all spilled out.
Hatori watched the boy struggle and bit back his frustration. It wasn't that he didn't understand. Perhaps it was that he understood too well. Things had been going so well. He stood. Pressing too much right now could damage things further. "Dinner will be ready soon, you should come down and eat."
Yuki turned to look at the wall. Hatori sighed and walked to the door. He nodded to Hatsuharu who stood outside leaning against the wall. The tall boy straightened and cast concerned look at the door. Hatori just closed his eyes and walked past down the stairs. Hatsuharu followed him with his eyes and then looked back at the door. Not bothering to knock again he walked in. Yuki had stretched out again preferring to pull the blankets up over his head rather than bother to turn out the light. He resolutely faced the wall.
Hatsuharu took Hatori's abandoned chair and turned it backwards. Sitting down and crossing his arms across the top of the chair he looked at the boy sprawled on the bed. He continued to stare until Yuki finally rolled to his back and pulled off the covers. He spared Hatsuharu a withering glance then stared sternly back up at the ceiling.
"Is Yuki not talking again?" Hatsuharu watched his barb strike home.
Yuki sat up explosively, throwing the covers back and tossing a pillow at the wall opposite. Hatsuharu watched it fly with his usual bland look. He looked back at Yuki, he still hadn't answered. "Maybe I just haven't anything to say."
The other fiddled with a lock of his white hair and studied the ceiling through it. "Is that really okay? Not to say anything?"
Yuki just looked at him angrily. What did he know about anything?
"Fujitsima might steal her away."
The mouse felt his breath catch stared in shock at the cow. Hatsuharu propped his chin up against a hand refusing to move his eyes from Yuki's face. "I didn't think Yuki would give up so easily."
"There is nothing to give up." Yuki insisted.
"Mmmm....?" Hatsuharu rumbled. "Is that so?" The mouse couldn't meet his eyes and looked away to the wall.
"How do you know about Fujitsima?" Yuki asked finally when the silence had stretched too long even for him.
"Momiji and I met Tooru and he while they were out. They were walking arm and arm. You too Yuki..." the older boy looked at him in confusion, "You should take Tooru's arm too."
Yuki blew out a breath of disgust. "Stop being stupid." They'd been walking arm and arm? He'd dared to take Honda's hand a few times, but he'd never dared to presume on her personal space enough to take her arm. His fist clenched under the sheets. How dare Fujitsima take her arm so casually! Underneath, dark wiggle of concern needled at him. Had she liked it? What else had they done?
Haru considered his bangs again, "Is it so stupid to pursue the person you like?" He sighed and let his head fall to his crossed arms. "I don't think so...I think even if they don't know how much you care..." the boy closed his eyes and a fall of long black hair slipped through his mind, "...that you shouldn't give up." He looked back up at the boy in the bed who was regarding him seriously. "Tooru-kun isn't the type to know unless you say something. Yuki should tell her how he feels." He gave a sudden, sweet innocent smile. "I think it would make Tooru-kun very happy."
There was a tentatively knock at the door. "Hatsuharu-san? Yuki-kun? Dinner is ready..." Tooru said hesitantly through the door. Hatsuharu gave Yuki a protracted look and unwrapped his long legs from the chair. He closed his eyes and sauntered out the door.
He nodded to Tooru as he walked past, eyes closed. He jerked a thumb in the direction of the door and headed down the stairs. Tooru blinked her eyes after him then poked her head cautiously into the doorway. Her eyes fluttered as they adjusted to the dim light of the only lamp in the room. Focusing in on the bed, she stepped in and clasped her hands over heart worriedly.
"Does Yuki-kun have a cold?" She stepped closer to the bed and Yuki felt ashamed for making her feel the worry painted across her face.
He shook his head, and made a dissenting noise. "Mmm-mm. I'm just tired today."
Tooru smiled and sat on the edge of his bed. "Yuki-kun has been working so hard lately!" She cocked her head and shook a finger at him. "Yuki-kun doesn't think about himself enough!" She looked at him seriously. "Yuki-kun should take it easy this week and not force himself so much. If Yuki-kun fell ill the whole class would be sad."
Yuki couldn't meet her eyes and looked at the bedspread. Tooru's hand lay against the fabric a mere inches from his own. He looked up to see Tooru smiling at him still.
'Tooru-kun isn't the type to know unless you say something.'
'Is it really ok? Not to say anything?'
Yuki covered Tooru's hand with his own. She looked up at him in surprise. "And Honda-san?" Tooru's face flamed. Yuki was looking at her so strangely. His eyes had gotten a liquid, secret look to them. His hair fell in a soft fall against the side of his face and Tooru was reminded that this was the prince of her high school staring at her. A small smile lit about his lips as he watched the expressions chase across her face.
"Eh?" She asked breathlessly.
"Would Honda-san be sad if I fell ill?"
Tooru's face crumpled at the mere thought. "Colds can be very serious." She bit her lip and looked away from him. "I would be very sad if something happened to Yuki-kun."
Yuki suddenly found it hard to breathe. How could he have been so thoughtless? Honda's father had died of a "cold that got worse." How could he have spoken about it so casually, so heartlessly? His hand still lay over hers. He squeezed it tight.
"Honda-san. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." Tooru looked back at him in surprise. "I shouldn't have joked about it." He squeezed her hand again and released her. Tooru stood and smiled.
"Would Yuki-kun like me to bring him up a tray?" She clasped her hands behind her back and smiled at him. "I made noodles."
Yuki smiled and drew his legs over the side of the bed. "No, I'll come down. Honda-san's noodles are sure to be delicious."
Tooru blushed and left the room, giving Yuki a few minutes to compose himself. Remembering something she'd forgotten she quickly stepped into her room. Stepping out of hers just as Yuki was stepping out of his room Tooru smiled and held up a little package. "I didn't have a chance to give Yuki-kun this earlier. Happy Valentine's Day, though it's almost over."
Yuki took the package, decorated with Mickey Mouse silhouettes and looked at it curiously. He unwrapped it to see a mouse shaped chocolate inside. It had a long looping tail that he traced with his finger.
"The tail was very hard, it kept breaking." Tooru chattered, a little worried at his silence. "I had to re-melt it several times. And the paper, I wanted to find something cuter, but it was hard. There weren't many styles with mice. There was one with the 'three blind mice', but I thought-"
"Thank you." Yuki interrupted. "I wish Honda-san hadn't gone to so much trouble."
Tooru put her hands up in quick dismissal. "A~ah! No, no! It wasn't trouble." She smiled. "It was fun. Picking out the papers, choosing the shapes, it was lots of fun." She looked down and clasped her hands. "All year long so many people have watched out and cared for me. I've met so many new people who have shared their hearts with me." She looked back up and Yuki was struck by the extremely sweet look on her face. "When I made the chocolates and saw how many people I had to thank this year, I felt very happy. That I can have so much fun with so many people, for that I am very grateful." She blinked and brought her hand up to her face. "Ah! The noodles! They'll get cold!" She started to rush down the steps, then looked back at Yuki questioningly.
"I'll be down in a moment. I just want to put this away." He held up the little package. Tooru nodded and hurried down the steps.
Yuki walked back into his room and carefully closed the door. Walking over to the desk he opened the second to last drawer carefully. He reached far in back and pulled out a small box. With a feeling of ritual, he opened it up and pulled out the contents. First were the chocolates Tooru had given him last year in its little blue box. He had eaten one, just so he could tell her honestly that they had been delicious. Next was their class picture. It was a reject from the yearbook that he'd managed to save. He and Kyou were arguing in the back row amongst the S's, Tooru looked up in concern from her lower vantage point next to Hanajima among the H's. Uotani was saying something to egg Kyou on from behind them. Yuki couldn't even remember what they'd been arguing about; it was just another argument out of a thousand. The picture had captured Tooru's sweet and caring look so well that he had had to have the picture. When he saw it in the garbage pile one day when the yearbook staff had been sharing the records room with some of the student council members he'd been quick to pocket it. He couldn't remember the excuse he gave for wanting it, but it wasn't as if anyone in school ever refused him anything.
Another picture below it had been clipped from the school paper. It was a picture of he and Tooru standing in front of the onigiri booth from the school festival. It was before he had to put on that awful dress. The photographer, a plant from the princess club, had wanted just Yuki in the picture but he'd insisted that Tooru stand with a platter of her onigiri as well. She was smiling so wide you couldn't see her eyes, and even in the black and white picture you could tell she was blushing. He thought again about buying a frame for it. He set it aside and pulled out the last item, a frayed blue ribbon. Tooru had given it to him one day when a lace on his shoe snapped as a temporary fix. Carefully folding up the Mickey Mouse paper, he tied it up with the ribbon. He placed the mouse chocolate securely in its box and sat it next to the ones from last year. Picking up the onigiri picture again he sat for a moment considering it.
Someday, this was all going to come to an end. He wasn't so foolish to think that Akito would let this joy go on forever. Sooner or later, it would end. He had to have something to prove that it had been real. Something hidden away to keep this dream alive, something they couldn't take away from him. He tenderly placed each item back in the box and placed the top back on the box. He laid his palm flat against the top.
He'd never thought it would end because Tooru would choose someone else. He'd been working so hard to try to become the kind of person that could be open and free as she was. He'd always thought that when he'd accomplished it...that she would be there waiting for him. He carefully placed the box back in its hiding spot. He stood and walked to the door his face a serious mask. He stepped into the hall in determination. He didn't have the right to have her by him. He didn't deserve her. He didn't care.
He walked downstairs and into the room with the others seated around the table. Hatsuharu looked up at him and gave him a measuring look. He nodded back and sat down next to Momiji. He looked across the table to see Hatori considering him soberly. He lifted his chin and didn't lower his gaze. He wasn't going back, he wasn't giving up. Tooru set a plate of noodles down at his place and glowed happily at him. He smiled back at her and picked up his chopsticks. He was going to keep it safe.
He was going to protect this dream. He wasn't going to let anyone steal it away.
