Author: merrow - PG-13 - English - Drama - Reviews: 89
The next few days passed slowly, with the three keeping themselves occupied preparing for the spring rains, repairing the shack and stocking up on food. A comfortable working silence enveloped them. When they spoke at all it was about surface, careless things. Kyou explained what he had left to do on the shack to make it rain-worthy, Tooru showed the boys how to wash clothes in the small stream by the house, and Yuki described where he and his mice colonies found their food. They tried to maintain the comfortable mood they had gotten from that night, that warm and languid feeling. They accomplished it mostly by the boys talking through Tooru, instead of to each other. The future was not discussed, but it hung heavy on the horizon, like the spring rains they all were dreading.
The next morning their luck snapped along with the weather and the first of the spring rains began to fall. The day dawned cold and damp, and the three had moved closer together unconsciously in the night. Tooru woke when she felt a warm breath on her face; her eyes fluttered open then flew wide. Yuki's nose was just a scant millimeter away. Jerking back in surprise she rolled into a surprised Kyou who was close up against her back.
"Uwah!" Tooru felt Kyou's solidity give way as he transformed in a puff of orange smoke. Scrambling to get off of him before she crushed him, she tripped over Yuki who had barely woken up when as he felt Tooru fall into him. Rolling over, Tooru lay on her back and covered her face in her hands. "I'm sorry! Sorry! I'm so sorry!"
Yuki rubbed his mouse eyes and tried to adjust to both being abruptly awoken and changing into a mouse at the same time. He was never at his best in the morning. "Honda-san." He was pretty sure she couldn't hear him over her apologies. He walked over to her and stepping carefully through her hair, laid a mouse-y paw on her shoulder. "Honda-san, its ok."
"Sorry! I'm sorry! Sorry!" She rolled over on her stomach and pressed her face into her pillow. Her voice sounded desperate and her shoulders started to shake. Kyou roused himself to step closer to her, he glanced at Yuki, who still stood next to her shoulder. Was she crying again?
"Cha-" Kyou tsked, "It's not the best way to get woken up in the morning, but its no big deal."
Yuki laid his paw on her shoulder again, "Honda-san?"
Tooru looked lifted her face from her pillow, and sat up, hiding her face in her hands. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she continued, the two stepped in front of her to be able to better look at her. Glances shot back and forth between them, they didn't know if they could handle tears this early in the morning. Somehow it seemed easier to be honest and comforting in the dark, and much more awkward with the morning sun (what little there was of it) streaming through the open doorway. Tooru was beet red, and her shoulders continued to shake. Kyou sat down in front of her unsure what to say next or what to do. Yuki stepped forward again resting his paws on her knee as he peered upward.
"Honda-san?"
Tooru slowly lowered her hands "I'm sorry," she said again and *giggled*. She wasn't crying, she was laughing!
Kyou's ears went back and his eyes bugged, "What's so funny!" Here they where, worried that she was crying again and she was laughing at them the whole time. "Is this some kind of joke to you?" His words came out louder and fiercer then he intended, but he didn't care. He turned away from her in disgust. His whole body was one big dull pain, and it felt as if the rain outside was striking him instead of the roof above. He felt bruised, achy and tired, and here she was *laughing*. He drew breath to say more, but made the mistake of glancing at her first. She had gone from blushing to dead white, and she held her hands together over her chest. She wasn't laughing anymore. His breath flew out in a disgusted puff with the last of his energy. Sighing he curled back up under the blanket, his ears twitching against the pillow. He closed his eyes, and wished the image of her shocked, hurt face would go away.
The sheets rustled as he felt her scoot closer. He flinched when he felt her hand rest on his head between his ears, but didn't open his eyes. "I'm sorry." The hand was a gentle weight, and the fingers absently moved through the fur. "I shouldn't have laughed. I was surprised, and Yuki-kun and Kyou-kun's surprised faces weren't something I was used to seeing. But I shouldn't have laughed, I'm sorry." He shivered a bit, this kind of touching...it wasn't something he was used to. Tooru misinterpreted the movement, and brought the sheet up and tucked it around him. "Rainy days are hard on Kyou-kun." She smoothed the fur between his ears again. Kyou changed back between one breath and another, a cloud of smoke swelling around him. He expected Tooru's hand to lift, and when it didn't finally opened his eyes to look up at her. She was blushing, but had a gentle look on her face, "Kyou-kun shouldn't force himself today." She sat up straighter, her hands now both in her lap, she bowed a little bit, "Please take it easy today."
Kyou made what could best be described as an affirmative noise, and slid a bit further under the sheets to hide his embarrassment and his somewhat pleased blush. A second "pyon!" noise as Yuki changed back drew his attention. Kyou looked over Tooru's shoulder in surprise. Yuki quickly slipped into clothes, keeping his head down, his hair shielding his expressive eyes. Kyou closed his eyes, eyebrows twitching in thought. He felt a swirl of confused emotions as he realized the mouse had been present and listening the whole time. Embarrassment that Tooru's tender exchange had been overheard. Anger that he'd forgotten the damn mouse was there at all. He felt more naked than if the sheet had been pulled off of him; surely his face had showed more than he'd wanted it too. And deep under it all, twinges of worry and guilt, that Yuki had felt hurt and left out. The anger flared up again. It wasn't fair, why should he feel bad because of that damn mouse? He hadn't done anything wrong! And what did he care what the kuso nezumi thought or felt? It wasn't any concern of his! His thoughts ran around in circles but the anger seemed to trickle out of him, with the drip, drip, drip of that dratted, dreaded rain pouring down from the heavens. The feelings of guilt and worry remained leaving his scattered thoughts to push them around like a tongue testing a loose and aching tooth. His feelings continued to churn as he allowed himself to drift off back to sleep.
Tooru carefully edged around the sleeping boy, and kept her back carefully turned away from Yuki as she felt him dressing behind her. Yuki finished buttoning up, a curious coolness falling over him with each button closure. He felt...strange was the only way to describe it. He felt like he'd been peeping, or that he'd been intruding. But at the same time...he sighed. The scene had felt so natural, seeing Tooru comfort Kyou. And it wasn't till he'd changed back that he'd felt that his presence was wrong. He closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. But why shouldn't he have been there? It wasn't his fault that the baka neko didn't like rainy days. It wasn't his fault that Tooru felt she had to pity the cat. A little voice threaded through his mind chilling him, and bringing all his fears out to scurry around. But she hadn't looked pitying, had she? She'd looked like she cared, concerned, like she worried about *him* especially. Had she ever looked at him that way? He felt a miasma roiling below the coolness he used to shield himself. He could feel his ice mask slipping into place, a darkness falling over him. He checked all the windows and doors to his soul, making sure nothing of the agitated mess of his feelings could be detected.
"Yuki-kun?" Tooru's voice was soft, and careless. Yuki looked up to see her sitting a bit back from the doorway, in the little sun that penetrated the clouds. "What should I make for breakfast? There is a little of the fish left that Kyou caught yesterday or the last of the eggs from town. We have to use those before they go bad. I could make an omelet with some of those mushrooms you found."
While she spoke she brushed out her hair, ribbons at the ready. Yuki watched as the brush whisked through her hair. She tied up her hair in the yellow ribbons he'd given her. It took his breath away; there was just something so intimate about the simple process. It was so unguarded. He felt himself begin to thaw.
"Yuki-kun?" He blinked, realizing that she was looking at him, brush forgotten in her hand. She smiled innocently, "Or do you think that we ought wait till Kyou-kun wakes up again?"
The words dropped down into the abyss in his stomach, and swirled there with the rest of his emotions. He was jealous he realized. Why was he getting jealous of that stupid cat? It was a reasonable question. It wasn't as if she was favoring him. Tooru was still looking at him, her expression beginning to fall. He forced himself to smile, "I think Kyou will sleep for a while yet. Why don't we use the eggs, before they go bad."
"Ok." Tooru didn't sound sure as she walked over to the hearth and began breakfast. Yuki-kun's smile bothered her in a way she couldn't pin down.
* * *
By dinnertime, Tooru felt as if she'd been walking across thick carpet all day long. A prickly electric feeling enveloped the room. The shack had proved remarkably rain worthy, but there were still spots they'd been forced to put the few cups, bowls and pans under to catch the drip and keep the rest of the place dry. Earlier the wind had changed and forced them to move their makeshift table back from the exposed door. When the wind had picked up blowing the wind in further and threatening to get everything soaked, they'd been forced to give up one of their few blankets to make a quickly sodden shield. Trapped all day in the little shack, with an uncomfortable feeling lingering since morning, they had all felt the pressure rise. Tooru sat between the two boys serving dinner. She absently patted her hair, surprised that it wasn't flying up with static electricity. Pointed, hurtful barbs had been tossed back and forth between Kyou and Yuki on and off through out the day. Yuki pointed out the shacks' faults, the leaks, and the cracks that let in the wind, the lack of foresight that led to them having no door. Kyou pointed out that Yuki hadn't pointed out any of those faults before when something could be done about them. Or had thought to do anything about the problems himself. Tooru had tried to diffuse the awkward feeling all day, but anything she said just seemed to make things worse. She closed her eyes and thought again that she was no good at this kind of thing. She wasn't even sure what this kind of thing was.
"Mother," she thought, "I don't understand what's going on." Something had happened to make everything so strange and uncomfortable. It was probably because she had started the day off so poorly this morning she reflected. Yuki-kun was such a dignified person; he'd probably been very upset. Kyou-kun was so troubled by wet weather, it must have been a very bad way to start his day. She fretted and worried and added her own bit of static to the atmosphere. Dinner ended with not much of anything getting eaten. The shack was darker than it had been a long time. The rain clouds let in little light, and the small lantern they'd been using seemed to be struggling with the gloom from both within as well as without.
For the first time in a long while, going to bed was awkward. Yuki and Kyou stood around self-consciously. Neither wanted to make the first move yet didn't want the other to either. Tooru moved first, laying stiffly on her back, hands clasped over the top of the blankets on her chest. Kyou and Yuki reflexively glanced at each other and finding the others eyes upon them immediately looked away. It served as the cue that got both of them moving and into bed. Since the night when they'd found her by the hearth, they'd both lain facing her as they drifted off to sleep. This night they again put their backs to her once more. As the three lay wide awake in the dark they listened to the pattering rain lulled by its uneven rhythm. Tooru closed her eyes and tried to sleep, for once feeling hemmed in by the boys at her side.
"Mother," she called up her mothers face in her minds eye, "I feel as if something terrible is coming." She bit her lip, "Kyou-kun and Yuki-kun. I must have offended them terribly. I don't know how to fix it." She sighed and without being aware of it drifted into a dream.
"Tooru."
Tooru lifted her head from her mother's knee. She felt tears on her face, and wondered why she'd been crying. She looked up at her mother, and then further up. Her mother was much bigger than she remembered. She looked down at herself. No, she was much smaller. She was a child again, in her old school pinafore.
"Tooru." Her mother ran her fingers through the little girls hair, "Tooru is having a hard time."
"Mother!" She buried her face back in her mother's lap. She tried to speak but couldn't find the words. She just shook her head under her mother's hand.
"My daughter is such a strong person." Tooru's mother smiled as she smoothed back her daughter's hair. Tooru looked back up at her mother, "Sometimes its hard to see the light shining in another's heart. Doubts, fears and jealousies make a dark cloud that hides the light. But no cloud is forever. They all blow away eventually." She lay a gentle hand against her daughter's cheek. "Keep your light shining and seek out the light in others." Tooru found herself eye to eye with her mother, suddenly a teenager again. "Tooru-chan...is like a lighthouse, her light is so bright."
"Mother..." the girl whispered, and ducked her head. She wasn't anything so special.
* * *
"Mother..."
Kyou stiffened, the word had been soft as a sigh, if the shack hadn't been nearly silent outside of the rain he wouldn't have heard it at all. Quietly rolling over, he turned to look at Tooru. Seeing that she slept he understood that she was dreaming. Her face had a funny scrunched up look on her face. He wondered what she could be dreaming that made her look so sad. He knew today couldn't have been too comfortable, the rain had made him short tempered and irritable. And that damn mouse...it seemed like he'd been deliberately provoking all day long. As if the thought of him drew his eyes, he looked up to see Yuki staring at him from across the bed. He felt the hackles rise on the back of his neck. What was that guy's problem?
Yuki stared at Kyou. He felt out of sorts and unsettled. The look on Kyou's face when he'd looked at Tooru...It disturbed him. He wasn't used to seeing that kind of expression on the baka neko's face. He wasn't used to the way he was feeling either. He didn't like it, any of it. His eyes flicked to Tooru, her lips parted and she gave a long sigh. This day had felt as if it would never end. Just watching Kyou follow Tooru around with his eyes all day...he frowned and his eyes narrowed locked back with Kyou's. And she hadn't seemed to mind. It made him want to lash out, to have the satisfaction of knocking Kyou through a wall again. The only thing that had stopped him was that he knew Tooru would just feel worse for the stupid cat. It was a rainy day, and he knew as well as she how sapped Kyou felt on these kinds of days. A whispering little voice pointed out he'd felt worry for the stupid cat himself. Another thing he wasn't used to. He'd never had to be in such close quarters with the cat in this kind of weather. He watched Kyou struggle throughout the day, just moving himself around the shack seemed to take so much effort. He knew himself what it felt like to be weak, and helpless. He couldn't attack him while he was feeling that way, even if it was the baka neko. So instead he'd behaved dreadfully making the mood and feeling worse. But how else could he show her...how much better he was...Disgusted at the path of his own thoughts, Yuki broke eye contact with Kyou and flipped back over to his other side. What did he care if the baka neko was struggling? He shut his eyes and resolutely decided to sleep.
Kyou blinked in surprise as the mouse suddenly turned away. His face had looked...icy, cold and remote. Yuki never was one to let what he was feeling show on his face. But Kyou couldn't help but remember Yuki's averted face that morning. He frowned and turned back on his side. Why did he let that image keep pop up? Why did it bother him so much? That damn mouse, stupid Yuki. Even in the quiet of his own mind he gave him no peace. Yuki'd been superior all day, and now he glared at him like he was a pervert. Damn Prince. He'd caught Tooru glancing at Yuki all day. Kyou knew she worried Yuki hadn't been acting himself. It was if the mouse had thrown up a wall between himself and the others. Invisible and untouchable it nonetheless kept anyone from coming near. It was like the "don't touch me" aura he gave off at school. It wasn't something that had shown itself for a while now. It made him sick the way Tooru fretted over him, and he didn't even give her the courtesy of noticing. Kyou frowned at the floorboards. Why did he keep thinking about that damn Yuki? He closed his eyes and doggedly chased after sleep.
