Author: merrow - PG-13 - English - Drama - Reviews: 89
"Do you think the rain is going to last much longer?" Yuki stood at the doorway, holding the flap wide. The air seemed warmer to him and the sun seemed to be making an effort to break free of the clouds. It was barely noon he realized in surprise. They must have risen early this morning.
Kyou peered out the door and tossed out some vegetable peelings. "No, it'll stop soon." He'd been feeling better since he'd taken a little nap by the fire. He didn't have that deep weariness that came with a day full of rain. "It'll probably be sunny the rest of the day." Good, he'd be able to work out a little. He felt positively lazy. He could almost feel himself getting out of shape, his muscles losing tone. He'd never beat the mouse this way, he thought as he put the meager pile of veggies in the pot. They would hardly add much flavor to the soup but they didn't have much else. He'd like to repair some of the leaks that had popped up in the last bit of rain, but he didn't want to disturb Tooru. She had been sleeping on and off all morning. He glanced back at the bed. She was awake now and mending some clothing after being told sternly that she still wasn't allowed out of bed. Typically, she wasn't able to stay idle for long. Her fever had dropped, but the flush hadn't completely gone from her skin.
And though she wouldn't admit it to the others, Tooru was still feeling a bit light headed. She was determined to carry her own weight and not be a burden to the others. She concentrated on making her stitches neat and even. She wouldn't lose to a fever. Yuki shrugged on his overcoat A little while after the rain finally tapered off. If they wanted to have more than soup tonight he'd have to find something else for them to eat. He hoped to find more of those yams; they'd be good roasted on a cold day like today. "Yuki-kun is going out?" Tooru asked from the bed. Yuki frowned a little to see how pale she looked.
"Un. I want to look for more food, and I think I'll go up to the hot spring and get our-" He'd been about to say clothes, but a sudden flash memory of an exposed stretch of smooth flushed skin made him suddenly switch gears, "things we left behind." He looked away from Tooru before she could see the creeping blush and figure out what he was thinking. "But...it's almost lunchtime." Tooru looked at the back of Yuki's head and wondered why he wouldn't look at her. He must be annoyed that I'm sick, she thought. I'm always so much trouble. "Mother," she thought fervently, "I'll get better fast!"
Yuki stepped out of the shack and into the sun breaking out of the clouds. He looked back over his shoulder and gave her a sweet, gentle smile. "I'll eat when I get back. Please take the time and rest." Tooru flushed red.
"Mother," she thought in awe as she watched him walk away into the sunlight, "Yuki looks so pretty." Like the others he'd lost weight, unused to the hard physicality of living so rough and eating so little. It was if their time on the mountain had washed away much of Yuki's softness and all that was left was a wiry slender strength. He'd become more angular and seemed somehow more delicate but not fragile. Yuki had always seemed economical in his movements, but now it was if no gesture was wasted. The sunlight gleamed off his hair and skin still pale by nature but starting to darken from constant exposure. Tooru watched him flick hair that had somehow gotten shaggy without them noticing it out of his face. She put a hand up to her own hair and wondered if it was getting long too. She remembered the feeling of Yuki's long fingers threading through and untangling her hair. Running her own fingers through it, she felt suddenly overwhelmed. "Mother..." Tears started leaking out of the corners of her eyes, "I don't know how much longer I can hold it all back." She held tight to her hair and covered her face with it. Her hair became wet with tears as she tried to hold in her sobs.
Kyou went through the final movements of his daily routine. The minute the rain slacked off he had been outside. He'd barely acknowledged Yuki as he passed completely absorbed in the feelings and signals his body was sending him. It felt like his blood was singing. It was one of those special times when every action seemed perfect, as if every muscle was working in perfect concert. It was one of those rare times when he stopped existing as a person and simply became the movements. It was like being transformed. It was like the whole world narrowed down to a set of motions, right arm, left arm, weight on the front leg, turning... It didn't happen very often but when it did it was magic. It was why he loved it so much. It was like, for a few minutes at least, he really knew who he was.
He stayed in the final pose for a moment trying to keep hold of that feeling for as long as possible. He began to lose it as he became aware of his breaths coming in hard gasps, and he felt the mud beginning to squish up through his toes. He finally straightened and took a deep breath, shaking out his arms and enjoying the feeling of having accomplished something. As he started to come down from the high he began to feel overheated despite the cold air burning his lungs. Taking a long swig of water he considered dunking his head in the stream. He'd need to wash off the sweat and mud on his feet anyway. Best get a towel first.
Kyou scraped off the most mud he could off the soles of his feet and tiptoed into the little house. Tooru was a large lump under the blankets. He'd almost picked up a towel when a stifled sob perked his ears. Had he heard what he thought he'd heard? He turned back to the lump on the pallet. Now that he looked he could see that it was shaking, just a little bit.
"Oy!" Kyou looked towards the door in a panic. Yuki was long out of sight and calling distance. Was he supposed to deal with this on his own? He took a tentative step towards the girl. "Oy!" Her only response was to huddle up tighter under the blankets. Steeling himself, he took the few steps to the bed and squatted down. The bundle of blankets shook a little, but there was very little noise escaping from it. What had brought this on? She'd seemed fine this morning! Tooru wasn't the type who usually broke down in tears for no reason. Kyou could think of only a couple of times that she'd cried...when they come to take her home, when she'd been alone on new years, that time she'd been ill, that night by the fire. But there wasn't any reason for her to cry now. "Hey!" Unsure what to do Kyou poked experimentally at the lump. Snuffling pitifully, Tooru lowered the blankets and peeped over them with an agonized look through tousled messy hair. Maybe she wasn't crying because she was sad, but because she was hurt? "D-do you have a pain somewhere?"
Though her chest felt tight and her throat raw, Tooru shook her head. She hadn't wanted to bother Kyou.
"What...then...Why are you crying?"
Tooru opened her mouth then shut it. She didn't know how to explain. How could she say it? That she had seen how Yuki looked so...She didn't even know how to describe it. She could say how jumbled up and confused she felt inside. There weren't words. "I don't know!" it came out in a strange petulant voice that shocked her and Kyou both.
"Then stop!" Kyou said exasperatedly. "Don't do nonsensical things like crying for no reason!"
"Okay..." Tooru sniffed, and sat up a little rubbing her eyes.
Just like that? Kyou looked at her with a bemused look on his face. "Don't do that! I hate it when you do that!" Tooru blinked at him in confusion, her long lashes damp with tears and her breath still coming in quick gasps. Kyou narrowed his eyes, "Just because I tell you do to do something doesn't mean you have to do it! It wasn't an order or anything."
Bewildered, Tooru continued to stare at him. As he watched her big brown eyes began to fill with tears and they began spilling down her cheeks. Kyou frowned. "No, don't... I didn't mean for you to start again..." Tooru hid her face in her hands, and her shoulders shook. She looked so helpless. Sighing Kyou felt all the anger wash out of him, staring into the crown of her head he spoke hesitantly. "I just meant, do what you want." She kept her head bowed and without stopping to think about it Kyou laid his hand atop her head. Tooru stilled but didn't look up. "I mean, if you want to cry, that's ok. Even if its for no reason and doesn't make any sense, it's ok." Tooru lifted her head a little, and his hand slid automatically to the side and his fingers ran through her hair. Lifting a handful of it and looking at it instead of her he played with it between his fingers. "Do what's best for you. Getting happy and healthy, accomplishing that is the most important thing."
"I'm sorry." Tooru snuffled, feeling foolish and warmed. "I'm sorry I'm weak and silly." She put her hand on Kyou's hand playing with her hair, making him look up at her in surprise. "I'm sorry for getting sick and making Kyou-kun worry."
"I wasn't worried!" Kyou looked away from her quickly dropping her hair. His burning ears giving him away, "The sound was just irritating me is all." He looked back at her, "And it's not your fault you got sick. It just happens because you have no stamina and are totally weak."
"Right." Tooru said happily wiping almost forgotten tears away.
"You should train your body and get stronger." Kyou was just let his mouth run, his mind still trying to catch up on the emotional roller coaster Tooru had put him through. Crying, not crying, crying for no reason, she just didn't make any sense.
"Train?" Kyou glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and was surprised to see her looking speculative. "Could Kyou-kun teach me?"
"Teach you what? How to do martial arts?" Kyou looked at her his jaw dropping.
"Yes!" Tooru hadn't thought of it before. She always wanted to understand Kyou better. She'd read books on the fighting spirit of martial arts, and she'd watched Kyou practice plenty of times. She loved to hear him talk about learning with his master. Having him teach her would let her see and understand more about him. But, Kyou didn't look very sure. Rapidly she began to talk, "I know I'm clumsy and no good at things like that but I'd really like to try. If Kyou-kun were my teacher I'd try really hard. I wouldn't fall down or if I did I'd get right up. I wouldn't be a bother at all!" Tooru blinked, a bother? Oh no, she didn't want to impose on him; she knew how much he liked his time alone. "But if I am a bother, Kyou-kun doesn't have to. Don't feel obligated, I just wanted to know more about what Kyou-kun likes so much! And I want to get stronger and not have to be such a burden anymore."
"I-I'm not really skilled enough to be a teacher..." Kyou stammered, "I haven't even beaten the damn mouse yet." Kyou prepared to tell her all the hundreds of reasons why he couldn't be her teacher. Tooru was looking at him with big eager pleading eyes. "But, uh..." She watched him attentively waiting for his next words like a puppy for a scrap of food. Will she start crying again if I say no? "But if you want to, ok."
Tooru leaned forward eagerly, putting her hands flat against the floor she gave a formal deep bow, "Sensei, thank you!"
Kyou gave her a light knock against the head, "Don't be stupid." Standing up he, looked down at Tooru sitting in the jumble of blankets. "Get some more rest, we'll start when you're feeling better."
* * *
Yuki walked through the forest vaguely noting which way he was going. He didn't have to worry about getting lost, his little friends would show him the way home. He was enjoying the solitude. The little shack seemed to get closer and smaller with every passing day. He paused for a moment and a mouse ran up to him and placed a nut by his foot. Picking up the acorn he made a show of considering it. "I'm sorry." He said to the little mouse, "but I don't think even Honda-san would know what to do with this. If you find any beechnuts or walnuts that would be good." It was the wrong time of year for nuts, but the mouse might have a store or a cache. It didn't hurt to ask. He knew the animal didn't quite understand what he was talking about. It probably didn't understand words like "beechnut" or "walnut". It probably was just able to get the impression "nuts good, but not this nut." But it seemed to help when he spoke to them and gave them encouragement. In a way he reflected as he watched mice dart in and out of view, it wasn't unlike planning and heading up school events. Again it was he who had all the initiative and had to plan out all the details. The others just ran around where he directed them, but seemed to work better if he praised them. He wondered how their class was getting along without him.
A little squeak drew his attention. "Something to show me?" he asked rhetorically as he followed it into an underbrush. It ran to join some other mice that were digging furiously at the dirt. Sensing his presence they stepped back to let him see. "Yams!" Yuki exclaimed happily. He helped the eager mice to unearth them. There were four fat yams in the patch. They were a little shriveled and dry from being in the earth all winter long but they were plenty big. There's enough for each of us and one left over for Honda-san to do something with. He added it to some hawthorn berries and some early cabbage the mice had found earlier. He'd made sure to see the bush the red berries had been pulled from since there are so many varieties of deadly red berries. It was still too early in spring to find many berries or fruits. He'd gotten lucky on the cabbage and noted where it came from so he could come back when it was fully-grown. The plants were just beginning to bloom. He'd picked some dandelions greens as well. Before they bloomed they made a nice salad. He held the hem of his coat out before him like a woman with an apron, the load was getting a bit much to carry in an arm.
Speaking to the mice he said, "I think it best we go up to the hot spring now. Once we get a towel it will be easier to carry things in." As he followed the mice leading him to the spring Yuki realized he was feeling absurdly pleased with himself. For once in his life he actually felt useful. He knew that the people in school appreciated his help, and he had often felt satisfied with the work he did on the student council, but this was different. He was helping them all to survive. The garden at home had been a hobby. It had been nice to nurture and grow things, but when a plant didn't thrive it hadn't really mattered. Now his skill and knowledge of plants was really being depended on. Honda-san and Kyou...without him they'd starve!
His euphoria suddenly faded and he looked at the "bounty" in his jacket. An undersized head of lettuce, some weeds, berries and four shriveled sprouting yams. As if sensing his sudden drop in mood the mice around him crowded close, bumping up against his feet and squeaking anxiously. He concentrated a moment on not stepping on any of them as they broke into the clearing that held the little springs.
The truth was, he realized, even with him they were going hungry. He thought of Tooru flushed and feverish and already looking so thin. No wonder she got sick. They'd been eating nothing but rice, tea and what meager veggies and fish he and Kyou had been able to find. While both he and Kyou had made sure that Tooru had slightly larger portions then themselves (sometimes surreptitiously sneaking food from their own servings to hers) they all had gone to bed more than once feeling less than full. "Even with all my help we're starving," Yuki whispered. He sat down on a rock and felt sorry for himself. The mice ran around the glade, picking up and heaving towels towards him in teams.
A squeak at his foot caught his attention. A little mouse laid a nut at his foot. Yuki picked it up, "A walnut." Yuki smiled at the mouse; was it the same one from before? He couldn't tell, "Thank you, this will do nicely." The mouse squeaked happily and ran off to find more treasures for him. That's what I'm like, he realized. I present something to Honda-san and she praises me. He never stopped to think about how useful or practical his accomplishments were. But she smiled and she thanked him. And he felt useful and good. He looked at the walnut in his palm. How many times had she looked at what he'd given her here and think, "What am I going to do with this?" Yuki felt, not for the first time, incredibly selfish. We can't stay here much longer. He had known it before, but this was the first time he really understood it. They couldn't stay here.
Excited movement over by the bottom spring caught his eye. The mice had gathered up all the towels into a heap and were trying to figure out how to get the clothes out from underneath the little waterfall. A couple of them had wandered into the water a little ways and were looking like they might attempt to swim across. Yuki knew the sodden clothes would drag them straight to the bottom if they tried that. "Wait! I'll get those myself." He walked to the side and leaned in. Snagging the clothes with just the tips of his fingers he managed to pull them free and to where he could easily grab them. Wringing them out briskly he wrapped them in a towel. He wrapped the foodstuffs in another and folded the rest up inside a third. He looked longingly for a moment at the hot spring. He'd love to soak for a while, but it wouldn't be fair to the others waiting at home in the cold shack. It was a pity. The springs were just a little too far away to be used for everyday washing. By the time they got up here, half the morning would be wasted and by the time they got down, they'd be sweaty and dirty again.
His lips curled into a smile without him noticing it. But it had been nice, hadn't it? It had been very nice. Perhaps...they could all come back up here again, when Honda-san was better. They could make a treat out of it. Honda-san would pack a picnic for them and they could relax for a day. Before it got too much warmer, they would have to do it.
Yuki shook his head, he was forgetting already. They could not stay here. Frowning he picked up his packages. "Lets go," He watched the mice stream out in front of him. He didn't look back at the inviting glade. He kept his gaze forward and concentrated on keeping the still sodden towels away from his body. Suddenly all the mice seemed to be jumping up and down and trying to get his attention. Puzzled he followed the stream of mice as they broke from the path and into the brush. After fighting through the weeds and bushes he saw what had them so excited. It was a huge strawberry patch, bigger than the one he'd found before. He spread out a towel and began harvesting the berries. Perfect! Roast yams for dinner and strawberries for dessert! Tonight at least, he thought, we won't go hungry. Tonight at least, when Honda-san praises me, I'll have deserved it. I'll just have to try harder tomorrow, he resolved, so that I earn it then too. Someday, I'll catch up to her. Someday, I'll deserve her.
* * *
Tooru was sleeping again when Yuki got back to the shack. He was a little disappointed he couldn't immediately show her all that he found, especially the strawberries. It was best that she slept and regained her strength he told himself firmly. He laid out the yams, hawthorn berries and veggies on the table where she would see them. After a moment he decided to keep the strawberries a surprise and hid them among their belongings in the back corner. Yuki glanced around the clearing around the shack as he stepped outside. Kyou was nowhere to be seen. Frowning he unwrapped the damp towels and sodden clothes. Wringing them out again he hung them to dry on the trees behind the cabin. He held up his torn shirt ruefully. Silk really did not hold up well here. None of his clothes were really practical for this environment. Well, he reminded himself, it wasn't as if all this had been planned.
"Oy!" Yuki turned around in surprise to see Kyou coming towards him with a big grin on his face. "Look what I caught!"
Kyou proudly held up his catch by the gills, a large salmon. The biggest one he'd caught so far. He'd planned to show it to Tooru first, but he could show it off to the mouse a bit instead. The red haired boy's chest puffed out as he saw the other boy's eyes widen. Damn mouse thought he was the only one who could bring home the bacon, hmn? Ha! Well tonight they'd have more than soup! Tomorrow too from the size of it, in fact they'd probably have trouble eating it before it went bad it was so big.
Yuki felt vaguely annoyed at Kyou's obvious pride. It was just a stupid fish. Why was he showing the smelly thing to him? "When you clean it make sure you do it away from the cabin." He said coldly, making a point to pass Kyou by a wide margin. "We don't ALL want to smell like fish." He shook his hair out of his eyes and went back into the shack. He was sure Honda-san would be much more impressed with his strawberries than the baka neko's smelly fish.
What the hell? Kyou felt like he'd been dashed with cold water. Again. Kuso Nezumi! Kyou felt the sudden urge to take the fish and whack the stuck up prince in the back of the head with it. Damn prissy snob. Like he would ever be able to do something like catch a fish with no fishing rod. Taking the fish into the wood a ways he found a likely rock and began to butcher it. Wouldn't want to dirty his hands with it, damn girly boy. Priss. Snob. Ass. Wuss. Wimp. Kyou repeated the words to himself over and over as he carefully de-boned and cleaned the fish. It's not like he cared what the damn mouse thought. The bastard. Jerk. Stuck-up. Rod-up-his-ass. It wasn't like he was looking for his approval or anything. He was just so irritating with that "Anything you can do, I can do better" attitude. It wasn't like he wanted to be complimented by him. Asshole. But he could have at least acknowledged that it was a good catch. "I hate that guy," he reminded himself firmly. Tossing the bones and entrails into the woods he gathered up the salmon cuts and walked back to the shack.
To his surprise Tooru was up and moving about when he got back to the shack. He caught her in the act of putting on the teakettle when he stepped through the door.
"What are you doing out of bed?" The girl jumped. Kyou cursed himself, he hadn't meant to sound so mad. "You should be resting." He glanced accusingly at Yuki sitting at the table out of the corner of his eye.
"I'm feeling much better!" Tooru insisted. Then she went pale and her eyes grew wide, "Kyou-kun! Blood!"
Kyou looked down at himself. His shirt was spattered with gore from butchering the fish and his hands were red with it. It was a big ragged splotch on his shirt. He must look disgusting.
Tooru rushed to him. "Are you hurt somewhere?" Her eyes were round with panic and her hands fluttered in the air. She turned to Yuki, "Do we have any antiseptic? Bandages?" She made a move towards the pile of belongings in the corner, then back to Kyou as if she couldn't decide what to do first. "Kyou-kun should be sitting down. Do you need a tourniquet?"
"Honda-san," Yuki said calmingly from his seat. "Calm down, you'll make yourself ill again. Kyou isn't hurt, he just caught a fish."
Kyou tried to keep his lip from curling at the smugness in Yuki's voice. Just a fish? Just the biggest fish he'd ever seen up here.
"A fish?" Tooru blinked and looked again up at Kyou.
"A salmon." Kyou agreed, and held out the fish steaks to her. "A big one."
Tooru clapped her hands together instantly going from panicked to pleased. "Aaah! I love salmon!" She took a bowl and filled it with the fish. She looked up at him admiringly. "This must have been a huge fish Kyou-kun! How did you manage to catch it all by yourself with no rod or anything?"
Kyou opened his mouth to reply but was beaten to it by Yuki. "Have you forgotten Honda-san? Kyou is a cat. He probably caught it with his teeth."
"Kuso nezumi-" Kyou started.
"Baka Neko," Yuki turned away from him pointedly, "you should clean yourself up. You smell."
