gah! this is the second chap minna! it's a good thing i've finished this fic before posting it.. at least yah all won't kill me after reading the first chap! i wouldn't be able to write the second and explain everything that's happened so far (yes, mind you people, i've got a very good explanation why all *that* happened) if you guys kill me ne? gehehe.. ::grins evily::

disclaimer: another chance is mine! the plot bunny who visited me is mine too... demo, mochiron, charas and animation not mine. gurabite-shon wa sugoi maki murakami-san ga tsukutta anime desu yo! dakara... CHIIZU!! *^_______^*

 

*_*, _ _ = emphasis

/__/ = thoughts

Italicized words/sentences/paragraphs = inner voice

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::Another Chance::

by silvercross

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Chapter 2

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Yuki never felt more pathetic than ever.

Here he was, getting himself wasted instead of going directly to the cause of it... of his pain. As much as tried to, he couldn't win against himself.

He needed Shuuichi.

Wanted him.

_Loved_ him.

And he couldn't deny that fact. No, not any longer. Not when he practically died as Shuuichi left.

He'd had so many chances in the past, but had let all those opportunities go to waste. He acted haughty and detached himself from the people around him, including the person he loved, without knowing that someday, he might lose that person.

He'd known it now. Shuuichi's just human too. He wasn't perfect. Sooner or later it would strike him, and realize that there're other fishes in the ocean. Other fishes who would treat him better, love him better and would take care of him for the rest of his life.

/Better than me.../

Yuki thought bitterly as he crushed the empty can of beer in his hands and got another one. Pathetic as it was, this was the only solution he could come up with.

He thought that drowning himself with alcohol was the fastest way to run away from everything. He just wanted to hide.. no, disappear.. even for a minute. He wanted to forget, even for a little while, that he hadn't just made the biggest mistake of his life.

/No, my _second_ biggest mistake.../ He corrected himself.

Memories of his past spurred in his mind again. Him running like an untamed animal towards Kitazawa-sensei in their rendezvous spot in New York. Him with Kitazawa-sensei, laughing, chattering the whole day away like there's no tomorrow.

But there never was a *tomorrow* for them. Or at least, for his sensei.

/B-because... I-I killed him... I drove him to it and... and then I killed him..../ Yuki thought mournfully.

He felt himself crying again. The alcohol, unfortunately, wasn't enough for him anymore. Despite his drunkenness, the memories were spurring in his mind clearly. Quite too *clearly* actually. He could almost see himself on his knees, holding the gun in his hands, Kitazawa-sensei in front of him, sprawled on the floor as the pool of blood grew faster beneath the lifeless body.

/NO! Please.. no more.. I-I.. I-I can't.. anymore... I.../

And now Shuuichi. Are you gonna kill him too?

/SHUT UP! STOP!! I won't do something like that.. no.. not anymore.. never.../

Ah.. are you sure? You know it's *your* fault. If I'm not mistaken, you also drove him to it. In a different aspect, yes, but it's still your fault, nonetheless.

"No.. I didn't mean to--"

Tsk.. tsk.. Yuki... Yuki... he called you Eiri-san just before he left, didn't he? Isn't it crystal clear to you now? He deliberately *detached* himself from you. You're nothing to him now. He *left* you. He left you, Yuki. Can't you understand that?

"FUCK YOU! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

And now, isn't it just right that you kill him too? C'mon Yuki.. just like the good 'ol days. Just like what you did to Kitazawa-sensei. Kill him Yuki... he hurt you.. you kill anyone who hurts you right?

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!! I WON'T KILL ANYONE! I-I..."

Oh, but you will! You know you will... part of you still wants it.. still craves for it... longs for other people's blood... Like what Shuuichi said.. it would be so much easier for both of you, ne?

"NO!! GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU BASTARD! I WON'T KILL HIM!! I--I.. I love him...."

Aww, too bad he isn't here to hear that now. It's too late Yuki, can't you see that? Hahahaha! You're so screwed now! You can't run away from this anymore.. you deserve this Yuki... you deserve this more than anyone.... YOU KNOW IT...

"N-no... please, just stop.. please..."

Whether it grew tired or it pitied Yuki, he didn't know. The voice was gone now, but it's maniacal laughter still echoed inside his head.

It was suffocating him.

He buried his face in his hands. He doesn't want to see anything anymore. Everywhere he looked, he could see Kitazawa-sensei's lifeless body.. then he would see Shuuichi's next. It was all he could do not to claw his eyes out.

But even when his eyes were closed, he could still see it.

The _bloodbath_.

He could see Kitazawa-sensei laughing at him, raising the bloodied hands to touch him.. and perhaps, if given a chance, kill him... wring his neck so tight that he wouldn't be able to breath.

The very thought sent shivers down his spine. He knew it wasn't true and yet he was afraid.

He removed his hands on his tear-stained face and stared at the darkness around him.

Nothing. He could see nothing but darkness. Without Shuuichi, everything seemed dull.

Just then, something caught his eye... something that shone amidst the darkness. Almost too quickly, he stood up and walked towards its direction.

He can almost recognize the thing as he grew closer. Finally bridging the gap, he saw it.

It was Shuuichi's mug.

It was the only thing that gleamed in his apartment despite the darkness that surrounded them.

He felt nostalgic. Memories of Shuuichi and their days together entered his mind. This time, they were sweet ones.

If only he was given another chance, he would never waste it anymore. He would give Shuuichi the love and care he so deserved.

He deserved much more after all.

/Much more than what I've offered him... what I gave him.../ He thought bitterly.

He held the mug in his hands and clutched it tightly on his chest. He felt as if it was the only connection he had to Shuuichi... the only thing that still linked them together.

At that, he felt his tears coming again.

"I-I'm sorry Shuuichi... I-I... please.. one chance is all I ask.. please..."

Yuki...

"No please.. don't... I don't want to hear it anymore..."

Yuki...

"Please.. just let me be... stop t-tormenting me..."

Yuki... tadaima...

"No.. I--..."

/Tadaima?/

"Yuki..."

Upon hearing his name, Yuki slowly opened his eyes.

He rubbed them gently, blinked twice before he scanned his surroundings. Instead of darkness, his eyes met light. He saw himself facing the ceiling, and it confused him. Then it occurred to him he was sitting down, his head supported by the sofa's top. It was the sofa beside his working table.

It was weird. He never knew when he managed to get himself to his office. All he remembered was, him in the living room, clutching Shuuichi's mug tightly on his chest and crying his heart out.

And now he was...

Wait. He heard someone call his name. At first he thought it was that *voice* again -- the one that kept tormenting him. Then he realized that the voice wasn't at all mocking. It was, gentle even, to say the least. It somewhat soothed him, like a mother cradling his child to sleep.

Then he heard it again.

"Yuki... tadaima..."

At that, he turned his eyes to the direction of the voice. He saw a hint of pink first, then slowly, big, gentle eyes and a worried face of a young man entered his line of sight.

It was Shuuichi.

"Yuki.. Yuki... ne, Yuki.. daijoubu? Are you having a nightmare my angel? A--, gomen, I didn't mean to call you that.. I know you don't like being called sweet stuff like that so.."

Seeing Shuuichi right before him almost made his heart stop. He couldn't believe it, and somehow, he felt afraid. It seemed all too good to be true.

"S-Shuuichi! You're here!"

Shuuichi pouted at him playfully. "Mou, Yuki what are you talking about? Of course I'm here! Why won't I be? I just arrived a while ago from the tour and well I said tadaima but you didn't reply so I figured you were sleeping or you went out so..."

/I-I.. was only dreaming... it was all a bad dream.../

"...I checked up on you and found you in your office and suddenly you were fidgeting in your sleep and the last thing I know you were mumbling something and well.. you look like you were sort of ah.. crying... gomen.. I know I'm saying too much again.. I didn't mean to annoy you and I didn't mean to sneak up on you like that but---"

At that, Yuki kissed him. He was.. happy. It was an understatement perhaps, but at that moment, he really couldn't describe what he felt. All that mattered was Shuuichi... that he was still with him.. that he didn't lose him.

He was given another chance. And he won't waste this one anymore.

_Never_.

Not even if his life depended on it.

They finally stopped to breathe.

"A-a.. Y-Yuki!" Shuuichi uttered.

Astonishment was written on the younger man's face. He couldn't understand Yuki's sudden change. He was expecting a growling Yuki and not a passionate one. But he never complained though.

"Why? Why are you surprised? Didn't you like it?" Yuki asked almost fearfully, as if he was afraid of Shuuichi's reaction.

"A- n-no! I mean, no I didn't *not* like it.. I mean.. I-.. well what I was trying to say was.. I-I was just um, quite shocked because you're not usually like that and well I--"

Yuki smiled at him. A real smile... a smile only for Shuuichi.

"Sssh.. hush now... I won't hurt you ever again... I love you Shuuichi... did I ever tell you that? I'm sorry... I've been such a bastard.. forgive me... I love you so much... please don't ever leave me.. koi..."

Shuuichi was beyond shocked. Not only was he baffled by what he just heard from the older man, but now, Yuki was crying before him.

Again.

It was the second time he saw it, and the first one, he knew the reason was quite serious. It was something, Shuuichi thought, 'cryable'. And now, he couldn't decipher what the reason was.

But he couldn't care less with that anymore. He was overjoyed, because finally, Yuki acknowledges his presence... his existence. He wasn't shoving him off anymore like he used to.. wasn't calling him harsh names or anything like that.

And in that, he felt contended.

"Y-yuki!! Hontou ni ureshii!! Iie! I won't ever leave you! Never!! I love you too Yuki!!" Shuuichi declared ecstatically.

Yuki hugged him tightly as the younger man buried his face on his chest. He was crying too, but because, he felt rapturous.

/It was all a dream... I was given another chance... arigatou.../ He thought, relieved.

Somehow, he was glad he had that dream. It taught him things he wouldn't figure out by himself. He learned to appreciate the price before him, while the clock's still ticking. And at that moment, he vowed himself that he would.

Now he knew.

He would treasure Shuuichi forever.

His Shuuichi.

His _light_.

 

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owari^.^

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shucks, i wonder what you guys'll be thinking after reading this... masaka! i hope it's nothin like trashing the fic or somethin... >.<

anyways, i hope you enjoyed it at least. and i hope it somewhat explained the little OOC-ness in the first chap (well, I figured that in dreams, they can act out of character if they want to coz anything's possible there, ne?)

sorry if it's badly written though.. my mind's in chaos right now ::insert dramatic backround::

this fic was written to teach yuki to appreciate shu-chan more, yah know, before it's too late and something like that actually happens ^.~

ookay.. i'm gonna run and hide now before you guys kill me... waah!